Blissful Bio Veda

Bio Veda is a blissful resort nestled in the tropical hills close to Neyyar dam in the south of Kerala.


I had been stopping at Bio Veda in Goa and loved the staff and the bungalows there so when telling them I was travelling to Kerala they gave me the owners number Sunhill and I arranged with him that I would come and stay at Bio Veda in Kerala.

It is so peaceful after the noise of the beach resorts of Goa over run with tourists, long staying Germans and half naked Russian's. There is only one other cottage occupied here so it is peaceful beyond belief.
My first morning after finally getting some sleep after my toad encounter I woke early about 5am and went outside. The sun hadn't risen yet and the sky was still heavy with morning mist and the mountains cast secretive shadows on the glassy lake.

It was just so incredibly beautiful and quiet that I felt like I was trespassing in the garden of Eden. I could not believe how fortunate I was to be here amongst all of this beauty and it made me feel so grateful for my life and the way it had evolved and changed with its ups and downs and twists and turns that had brought me to this moment.

There is a lion Sanctuary on a little island close to the Sivananda Ashram and you can hear the roars of passion from the lions all day long it doesn't do much good for your self control when you have taken a vow of celibacy I can tell you. What with that and all of the handsome men walking around half naked in their Lungi's flashing their brown muscly thighs, I have found myself having to escape to the bathroom frequently to do a cartwheel in the shower.

Sunhill came to check on me and invited me to go with him to visit his family and his temple as it was the day of a Hindu festival and he thought I may enjoy it. To be honest I was shattered after my journey from Goa and being chased my a killer toad during the night and i would have rather have chilled out on the veranda of my cottage with my yoga book but how can you say no when somebody is kind enough to invite you to meet their family and to take you to somewhere as important to them as there temple.

So off we went in Sunhill's 4x4 with Ac. We visited 2 different Temples and I was really glad I had come, it was a wonderful experience even though I was the only white person in the crowds of hundreds of people and stuck out like a sore thumb. Every body stared at me. The children were giggling to each other and whispering in each others ears and the teenage boys were draped all over each others shoulders checking out if Western woman were much different to their own and the woman just stared with amazement in their eyes as they scanned me from frizzy head to western pedicured toe.

I was introduced to so many people and everyone shook my hand and practised their English telling me their names and asking me if I was married and where were my family and why was I travelling alone. It was all a bit over whelming to be honest I felt like the whole world was waiting for me to fall flat on my face and I was finding it hard to stand up with the weight of thousand sets of brown eyes that bore into every inch of my being.
 It was a wonderful festival though full of laughter and prayer and bright vibrant costumes and wonderful spicy food so I was really glad I had gone.

I have been tucked up in bed by 9pm most nights absolutely shattered, God knows why I am doing nothing at all but I think it is the climate it drains you when you are not used to it.

I decided to take a walk up to the little temple that sits on top of the mountain beside Bio Veda. Sunhil said it was safe to go alone and would only take 10 minutes or so to get to the top but as I was leaving he decided to send Harri with me who works for him. Good bloody job he did!!!!! The 10 minute walk turned into a half hour trek up the face of a vertical cliff and then half way Harri told me I had to take my shoes off because it was a holy place so I had to struggle the rest of the way banging my toes and scratching my feet on the gravel.
It was so high and so steep and every time I looked up there was no temple in sight. In the end seeing my distress and utter fear Harri grabbed my hand and helped me step by step. I don't like heights, I wouldn't say it was a phobia but I just don't bloody like them and I would never have gone if I had of known how high it was. Ten bloody minutes indeed. Eventually out of breath and trembling with fear we reached the top. I crawled on my hands and knees over to the little temple and grabbed hold of it for dear life. I had my back pressed right up against it and wouldn't move. Harri thought it was highly amusing and told me how his little daughters run up and run down with all the little kids of the village to which I really thought about booting him over.
Eventually I gained the courage to walk slowly around the temple to enjoy the panoramic views. I know people say 'it took my breath away' but really it did. I don't think I have ever seen anything so beautiful and I have never ever been as high in my life well not on anything legal anyway.

The views were out of this world.I could see the Neyyar Dam and the cardamon hills and the tropical valleys and I could see the Sivananda Ashram were I have decided to go for two weeks. I have always wanted to go into an ashram for a while and study yoga and meditation and I am so close to Sivananda here that it really makes sense to go.
I took a few photographs and then Harri said we had better go because the sun was going down. There was no way I wanted to be walking barefoot down a cliff in the dark so I put my best foot forward. Harri had to hold my hand all the way down and it was dangerous and it was steep we were going at such a slow pace that I thought the sun would set and would rise again before I had reached the bottom.

 I was worried that I would have a panic attack and if you have ever had one then you will know it is not a nice experience and not one you would want to be having on the side of a mountain so I started chanting the Krishna Mantra, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. I said it over and over and over and over and I didn't dare look around I just looked at  my feet and do you know what it worked.
 I'm not saying I wasn't afraid because I was bloody petrified but concentrating on the chant and sending it up to God got me through, but was I glad when we reached the bottom, I was jumping up and down to Harri's amusement saying "Thankyou God Thankyou God".
 They all had a good laugh  back at  the Bio Veda watching Harri pressing himself against the wall in the restaurant shouting Hare Krishna Hare krishna but I didn't care, I was safe and I was happy.

I am going into the Sivananda Ashram tomorrow for 2 weeks so I won't be intouch for a while but I will fill you in on my experiances in the ashram when I complete the course. I poppped to the ashram today to make a reservation and there was some mighty fine looking gentleman walking around in their yellow Sivananda t shirts  but im going with a srubbed face hair in a verginal bun and legs constantly crossed.

Im going for god relating not dating!!!!

My arrival in Kerala & Toad in the Hole

So I finally said goodbye to Goa.

Goa was a wonderful place to start my journey of India. The beaches are golden like the fine silk thread woven into the prettiest sari's and the ocean glitters like blue topaz under a bright buttercup sun.
The people are like the food, spicy and delicious and you can not help but surrender to the aromatic, majestic energy of Goa that envelopes you in her seductive charms.

I left feeling sad because I had fallen in love with Agonda. I felt I had betrayed my old lover Palolem who I'm sure would be jealous but Agonda left me mesmerised and under it's spell from the moment my tuk tuk dropped me at the beautiful white church in the centre of town all those weeks ago.

I never expected to fall so head over heels in love with the people as I did. I thought the friends I had made in Palolem would be perhaps the favourite of my trip but the more time I spend in India the more I can see that the people are like the sunsets, every day they become more beautiful and leave you more enchanted than they did the day before.

I boarded my flight to Chennai on time and wiped my tears away as I  saw Goa disappear like a beautiful dream under a blanket of white fluffy clouds.

The flight was pleasant apart from all the throat clearing that went on. I was glad my sister wasn't on that flight she would have gone straight over to the gentleman in his creased suit and dusty sandals and grabbed him by his creased lapel and told him about himself. I know it is a cultural thing and to be honest I have lived in Egypt and God knows there is a whole lot of throat clearing and spitting and dragging lumpy matter from nasal pipes and firing it across pavements, so to be honest I had heard it all before, it is unpleasant but then again I am just an up tight chick from the west.

We touched down briefly in Bangalore to collect more throat clearer's in dusty sandals and then we were back on track for Chennai. I had a tight connection so as soon as I got off one flight I was pelting through the airport to board the next. I had been given my boarding card  already in Goa for my connecting flight so I just needed to know the gate from which I would be boarding. Well it was like trying to get blood out of a poppadom, no bugger could tell me where to go.
 My flight was on the board but there was no gate allocated. I was told by one gentleman to go and wait upstairs and watch the TV monitor. I waited for about 15 mins but still no gate allocation was showing on the board and it was 20 mins prior to departure.
I asked some young girl in a uniform and she said with a vacant look and a lot of head wiggling that she didn't know and just to wait, nice one luv. I decided to go back downstairs to where I started and noticed that my flight was nearly finished boarding through one of the gates on the ground floor, good bloody job I didn't listen to that daft bird upstairs who wouldn't know her arse from a hole in the ground.

We boarded the smallest aircraft I have ever seen in my life it looked like a hairdryer on wheels. There was a stunning air hostess, she really could have been on any catwalk in Paris, London or Milan. She was tall, slender with pale skin and perfect features. Angelina Jolie lips, Kate Moss's upturned nose, Halle Berry's cherry chocolate eyes and instantly I felt frumpy in my baggy ali barba trousers and floaty linen top.


The flight was only 1hr and 30min so before I knew it we were advised of our decent into Thiruvananthapuram Kerala. I was dead excited and was relieved that I was being met at the airport by a driver who would take me straight to Bio veda so I didn't have all the hassle of arguing over the fare with taxi driver after taxi driver that I knew would be waiting for fresh meat outside arrivals

I was told that someone would be waiting with a sign saying Bio Veda but as I came through there was no sign. There was loads of eager taxi drivers but i told them I had a friend coming to meet me and they backed away lining up their next prey. I sat down and got talking to an Indian girl who had been away in Saudi Arabia for 11 months working as a nurse. She had 2 enormous suitcases and 4 huge cardboard boxes wrapped up with orange string. I wondered if she had decided to take some camels home with her an a Bedouin tent.

She told me her whole family were coming to the airport to meet her, that they had hired a bus especially. Her mother and Father were coming her brothers sisters and their partners and children, her uncles and Aunties and grandparents and her next door neighbours and their two goats and five chickens. I was so looking forward to watching that lot arrive and tumble out of the bus to meet their very missed relative but my driver arrived so I had to say good bye.

Jose helped me into his very flash 4x4 with AC i might add and asked me to jump in the front so I could have the privilege of using his laptop. We zoomed through the streets of Thiruvananthapuram Kerala's capital with Jose pointing out temples and colonial buildings and he laughed at my jokes that it was a good trade to get rid of the British but keep the nice railway that they built.

Jose is a lovely talkative man and told me all about his life here in Kerala. He is a christian and holds a very strong position in the church. He loves God and talked with pride of the charity work he does with under privileged children in his community. He told me to look through the photos on his dash board that were of all the Karate tournaments he had taken part in. There were photos of him smashing through pieces of wood the size of 5 telephone books and smashing through wood with his head. I realised that if Jose turned out to be a kidnapper and murderer there would be no point me trying to fight him off I may as well just throw myself from the moving car right now and have done save all the hassle later.

We were met in the darkness at Bio Veda by Sunhill the owner and a man that works at the resort. Sunhill escorted me  to 'my cottage' which was nestled beside a rock face with a temple perched on its summit. We were surrounded by beautiful trees and gardens which were lit by twinkling lights
The cottage was made of mahogany wood and had a huge double bed with crisp white sheets a thick mattress and plump white pillows. It was so so pretty and I was eager to unpack my things and make my self at home. The first thing of course is placing my Roland Rat on the bed, he always checks the bed out first making sure it is up to scratch. Then once unpacked I lit some incense and a candle and sat and thanked God for my safe arrival in Kerala and for the wonderful people I had met in my first few hours.

I never sleep well anywhere the first night so I lay in the darkness listening to the sounds of the mountains, the rustle of the warm night breeze through the trees and the sound of the animals enjoying the peace of the moonlight.
I eventually slept but was woken by a lions roar. I had been told by my friends in Goa that there was a lion sanctuary on an island across the lake. I wasn't to happy that they sounded so close and so hungry and I really hoped that they were not into vegetarians as I was full of spinach and lentils and surly they would be better off with someone who had just had a nice piece of steak and I also wondered how well lions could swim.

I got up to go to the loo but couldn't find my flash light so I just used the light from my phone which was pretty dim but i didn't want the brightness of the room light as I was still half asleep. I made my way to the bathroom and was about to turn around to sit myself down when in the darkness I thought I saw  something black in the loo. Now I knew i hadn't graced the loo with anything of such a description, a chance would be a fine thing but I am still officially the only constipated person in the whole of India so I knew whatever was down there shouldn't be so I was forced to put on the light and to my horror a great big bottle green  toad was looking back at me with his bulging greedy eyes.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I screamed and i hoped I hadn't woken the whole lion pack who would come looking for the root of the disturbance.
A bloody great big toad was jumping about in the loo and then jumped out and started jumping all over the white tiled floor chasing me away into the next room. I slammed the doors behind me and bolted them for good measure and had to relieve myself ever so gracefully into a mango juice can.

I am so glad I looked first can you imagine what could have happened had I not taken my phone with me into the bathroom, what if I had just sat my unsuspecting behind on top of the seat entrapping the toad inside the loo. Oh my god what a terrible thought he would surly want to escape and the only way out would be up it really gives a whole new meaning to Toad in the Hole!!!!!!

More fun and Ayurvedic games

My week in Agonda is flying by.

I am still eating all my meals at the little chai cafe. Fernandez and Esperita are so lovely that I have to see them everyday and they have just introduced me to their very hansom son. Good job I am leaving Saturday I can see a Shirley Valentine moment coming on.
They have invited me to their home for dinner the night before I leave just them and their hansom son and gorgeous daughter. I have promised myself to be on my best behaviour and no sneaking my grubby hand under the table to check what the hansom son keeps in his pocket.

I have done yoga everyday except one day when I didn't even bother to have a run, I couldn't even be bothered to sit on the beach, what a lazy article I just lay on my bed with the fan on listening to the ocean and thinking, I am going to lie here all day and do nothing because I can!

I have had lots of Ayurvedic massage since being in Agonda. I am going to save the heavy duty cleansing and detox treatments until I get to Kerala.

I have had the same young lady doing my treatments all week. Her name is Reshma and she is so beautiful. She is from Kerala and is just in Agonda for six months working and then goes home to her family the end of April and then eats and relaxes so she tells me during  the monsoon.
She is only young I would say about seventeen. She works seven days every week, gets up at 5am and works until 8.30pm.
She is doing massage all day which must be exhausting. I used to work as a masseuse years ago in a gym and we were only allowed to do four per shift as it is exhausting but the staff here in Bio Veda are doing massages back to back all day long, seven days a week.

I have had a scalp, shoulder and face massage everyday because I have weened myself off coffee and for four days it felt like I was being kicked in the head by a skin head wearing dock martin boots.
 I had the worst headache ever. I love coffee but I don't want to be dependent on anything but coming off it is tough, the headaches are torture.
 I can not for the life of me even begin to understand how hard it must be to come off heroin, I have watched people try and do it over the years and I think it makes my coffee withdrawal look like a teardrop in a teacup compared with their monsoon in an ocean of misery.

I haven't touched a drop of alcohol for nearly five weeks now and I want to be as healthy as I can. After years of filling my body with harmful toxins and chemicals and depriving it of sleep and love and starving it one week and stuffing it with food the next, I have decided that I must take care of this body I have been given in this life and as it is only on loan.  I would like to give it back in as good of nik as possible. Also I want to be a donor and who the hell wants to be given a wrinkled liver that looks like it has been soaking in terps for a month.

I went along the other evening for a full body Ayuvedic massage. Reshma the gorgeous goddess with waist length ebony hair and huge charcoal eyes lined with the most seductive long lashes was the lucky girl that would have the privilege of needing my thick thighs and wrestling the pounds of flesh around my body in the hope of streamlining the monstrous bulk.

I kind of knew before even getting into the room that there was going to be a tug of war between me and Reshma to get my knickers off.. It seems ironic that for years I have been trying my hardest to get my knickers off at every available opportunity and here I am with a stunning young woman begging to keep them on.
I had thought about it all day and decided that I was going to be in India for 6 months and would be having lots of treatments and once in Kerala I would be having Panchakarma which is a course of detoxing colonics so if I was going to have to allow some poor individual to stick pipes and lotions and potions up my bottom then I had better get used to getting my kit off..
So when she said "Everything off beauty" I did try to compromise my saying I was only wearing a g-string so surly that were causing no obstruction to anything as there was more material in an eye patch, but she was having none of it. I was thinking it's all right for you love all sweet seventeen, size eight with long slender limbs looking like you have just walked of a set of a Bollywood movie but I'm knocking on forty here and unless I am in a shoulder stand yoga pose then these puppies are going south.

Anyway I dropped me draws and was expecting a round of applause, but didn't get one. I had booked to have a steam first and then a massage so I hot footed in the direction of the steam cabinet hoping to get this beast inside that beast to conceal my nakedness before I caused an eclipse.
Reshma had other ideas, she grabbed be by the arm, "what are you doing beauty, no no sit down" jeepers nothing is ever staright forward.
When I worked as a therapist we would put the clients in the steam first to relax and warm the muscles prior to then being manipulated and pummled by our dear hand, but here in india it is the other way round which I can not understand because why would you want to go into the steamer when you are oiled up like a stripper just to sweat it all off. But like my dear friend Claire said when we were travelling around Cambodia, "Jacqueline when travelling in foreign lands always keep your options and your legs open" LOL LOL nice one Claire.

So my treatment was started with a scalp and neck massage, very relaxing I must say though I would have enjoyed it as lot more if every time I glanced down I didnt see my Burmuda triangle staring back up at me. With my head relaxed I was asked to 'Jump up on bed", well have you ever tried to jump up on bed with nothing on, well it's not easy to contain your modesty with no knickers on, one foot on the floor and the other  flying through the air .
I really thought it would have been appropriate to be given some sort of 'modesty towel' but not on Reshma's shift she just started oiling me up with no regard at all for the shame I was feeling. Fortuntly I was face down and it was a good bloody massage and I would have been enjoying it had I not been thinking about the fact that I would have to flip the bacon in any minute and be facing up with my lotus flower out for all to see.
Reshma proceeded to massage with real passion and vigor, for a slim girl she can pack a punch, she was effleraging with such strengh that I was grabbing on to the top of the bed in case I skidded forward on my tits straight off the bed.

I really wanted to call it a day but didn't have the guts to say stop I was worried she may have given me a back hander across the butt cheeks and every time she pushed up my legs with both hands one of her hands went straight between the crack of my ass, that cant be right surly but I was so stunned I wasn't sure if what just happened had happened or was I delirious. Had she  slipped or was it on purpose or part of the massage but I could definitely feel the side of her hand in the crease of my bottom. I thought to my self she had better take care I was that oiled up if she makes a wrong move she is a gonner, all that will be left of poor Resham in this world will be her silk scarf hanging out of my bottom, she will end her life as a human sepositry.
I was trying my hardest to keep my legs as tight together as I could, those yoga sessions had come in handy, if you had put a piece of coal up my arse you would have had a diamond in a fortnight!

Then the words I was dreading were released into the atmosphere, "Turning over beauty" I was thinking there is nothing beauty about this when it turns over, you need to get out and about more Reshma.
Reluctantly and going so slow I would probably be stopped by the police for causing an obstruction I turned over and lay down on my back. I was mortified, surly a little towel or even a serviette or even a handkerchief should have been allowed, I mean I couldn't relax and surly Reshma was fed up of the sight of overweight westeners moaning and groaning, covered in oil with their undercarriages hanging out.

Well Reshma didn't seem to mind she just happily massaged away up and down up and down and the frisky bit kept pulling my legs apart so she could get right up to the tops of my thighs, Jesus Mary and Joseph I was beginning to think that I may have accidentally booked in for a massage with a happy ending. once again every part of me was massaged apart from the bits that were safely tucked up in side.

So my Ayurvedic treatments have been quite an experience and this is only the warm up. tomorrow I leave Goa and fly to Kerala were I will start a cleansing diet and detox program under the watchful eye of another unfortunate Ayuvedic practitioner. I know it will be embarrassing and I know it wont be pretty but I didnt expect it to be a walk in the park.

So I am off to the beach now for my last laze in the sun in Goa. It has been a wonderful month of relaxation, reading, yoga, eye-opening and leg- opening treatments and I feel wonderful.


Speak soon, Be happy x

From Palolem to Agonda

So I finally left Palolem.

To be honest I was ready to leave after three weeks. I loved my yoga teacher there though she was great and I was really starting to get the hang of it so I thought I would stay with her a bit longer. I was sad on my last day, saying goodbye to all the friends I had made but I knew it was time. I was ready for the next chapter in 'My Story of India'.

I went for dinner with Dinesh and his wife Poojah the night before I left. They are both so lovely and have been very good to me. Dinesh bless him called me today to make sure I'm ok and settled in in my new place in Agonda.
We had a lovely meal we went for an Italian. Dinesh said he is fed up to his back teeth of curry because he eats it three times a day, every day of the year ha ha funny.

The restaurant is really beautiful and very Italian, lovely little tables with checked table cloths and old ladies walking around in aprons covered in flour waving their arms around. The owner is a very handsome Italian man very tall and broad. I was enjoying the view and reminiscing about my holiday to Italy a few years ago when 2 dogs came galloping into the restaurant and started fighting right next to us.
I tell you what I am half tempted to go into Chaudi and buy an AK47 because I am so fed up of the bloody dogs. Then another dog that was sat under one of the tables decided to get involved and I couldn't hear a word that Dinesh was saying over the racket. There was saliva and flees flying every where it was canine carnage in there.
Then once the owner had wrestled them out of the restaurant screaming and swearing at them in his best Italian, (I was thinking do you kiss your mother with that mouth)  a cow walks in LOL, I couldn't believe it. there I was with a mouth full of mozzarella  turn around because I can hear some daft bell ringing and there is a huge black cow with huge black eyes staring right at me.
 I mean can you imagine enjoying your dinner in TGI' Fridays and a cow walks in past the useless pratt at the door in his red and white striped top and black knee supports and waddles up to your table with a piece of grass hanging out its trap!!

I just laughed and laughed and couldn't stop. The owner was stroking her and cuddling her and I just thought once again that in my next life I am coming back as a cow, but a cow in India of course not in the west because I would end up in between two pieces of bread in the west without a moments hesitation.

On Saturday Dinesh picked me up from Parvati and drove me to Agonda, he was an hour late and I have began to realise that Indian is on the same kind of time as Jamaica, very chilled very relaxed and always late.
I'm not bothered though I can be were ever at what ever so no problem. It is nice when you finally slow down and start to relax into the local pace of life and now i don't know what day it is or what time it is because I never look at my watch apart from first thing in the morning so I don't miss my yoga class.

Dinesh organised my accommodation for me in Agonda. The owner of Bio Veda is a friend of his so I got a good deal. I have a lovely bungalow by the beach, bigger and brighter than my one in Palolem and its cheaper. Also Bio Veda is an Ayurvedic treatment centre so I planned to book my self some treatments and find another yoga teacher.

Once I had un packed all my stuff I took a stroll through the village. My first stop was Reshma's the chai shop i found the 1st time I visited Agonda. The lovely lady Esperita came running out when she saw me and walked me in chattering away about the cake she had made because I said I was coming on Saturday. I really love that little cafe. I don't know what it is, it is just a tiny little place with 3 tables and a tiny kitchen curtained off but it has so much feeling in there I just feel like I have been there before, it is just so homely and rustic and welcoming.
There is a little alter on the wall with a crucifix and candles that are burning all day and night. The tables are small with pretty tablecloths and tiny china cups and saucers.To be honest it reminds me of all the little cafes I loved in Greece. I spent years in Greece and I love the Greek people especially the older generation. It is lovely when you head up to the mountains and go into these old tavernas and they are little run down places but the food is amazing and Ya Ya (grandmother) is out in the kitchen cooking the food she has cooked there forever, well Reshma's has that feel about it.

Espaerita starts her day every morning with 6.30am mass in the village church and every evening when I go for my dinner Her and her husband Fernandez are praying under the alter. I love that about India I love the way the people love God. I think England has lost that over the years. So many of the people I know, grew up with and have worked with have no faith at all. They don't believe in God or Karma or Jesus or Buddha anything. It seems so strange to me and I cant imagine how lonely that must feel but I have always had my faith so I cant imagine my life without God.

For the last few days I have been there for breakfast lunch and dinner. For breakfast I have oatmeal which is 25 rupees which is about 35p. I have been having prunes in my oatmeal which is delicious but (and I'm sure you really want to know this) I am having the prunes because i am bloody constipated. I must be the only person ever to come to India and suffer with constipation. Where is this Delhi Belly I had been warned about, I was told I would be on the squat loo all day and would be as thin as a stick in a week. Well I am obviously not getting enough bacteria inside me because i have not had one minute of sickness of any sort and I am definitively not as thin as a stick!!!
For lunch I usually have masala chai which is tea with cinnamon and clove and nutmeg and milk and sugar which I can not believe I like but I do and one of Esperita's home made veg patti's.  For dinner i have vegetarian Thali's. Thalis is amazing I love it. Thalis is served on a metal tray, 6 small metal bowls are on the tray and are filled with 6 different vegetarian Indian specialties. Usually there is dahl and a veg curry, salad and okra in spicey gravy and today there were white beans and cauliflower in turmeric and chilli and also you get a heap of rice on the tray and a poppadom and all that is 60rupees, 83p cheap as chips!!!!

I love the food and while I'm eating they both sit there watching me smiling asking me if I'm ok and if I need more, they are so so nice I know I will be with them everyday
 I asked them if they knew what time mass was at the church in the village and they said 9am Sunday morning, also they told me that 35 children from the village were doing their Holy communion and they invited me along and because a member of their family was one of the children doing their communion they were having a party at their family home so they very kindly invited me to that too.

I was nervous about going along and i thought to my self i would have usually knocked back a couple of gins before doing something like that but I have decided I want to stay sober for my six months in India, I want to enjoy every second and to be present in every moment and to remember every detail. So along I went to the church sober as a judge.
It was a wonderful service even though I didn't have a clue what was being said I could feel the love in the atmosphere between the people. The proud parents watching their children take such an important step in their spiritual life and the Love they all shared for God.
I cried when I saw all of the children, the girls in their pretty white dresses and veils and the boys with their shiny shoes and smart trousers. Each child spoke some words of devotion I expect on the microphone in front of a packed church and I felt so happy watching them.

After the service we all made our way out of the church. Each family went back to their homes for their own family prayers and celebrations. I was the only westerner at the home of Fernandez and Esperita. Everybody stared at me but there was kindness in their eyes and smiles.
Esperita read scriptures from the Bible and then the Bible was passed around to various people in the family and then finally to the young girl that was taking her Communion. I was so impressed with how she read, she must have only have been 10yrs old, but she spoke well, strong and looked around in the eyes of her audience as she spoke. Then songs were sang and not knowing the words I just rocked back and forth in time with everyone else and I knew how honoured I was to be here in a home sharing this wonderful celebration.

We ate lots of lovely food and cake and laughed and joked and a few ladies spoke English and slowly they would make there way over to me and make conversation. I didn't take any photographs it didn't feel right to just pull the camera out and start sticking it in peoples faces.

Now I'm not saying I wish I had left Palolem sooner but I do wish I had more time here In Agonda. I love the Church and the village and most of all the closeness between the local people. Agonda is a special place and I hope some day I will come back.

Anti Social Butterfly avoiding Rabies

To be honest with you since I have been in India I have been a right anti social twat and I have loved every bloody minute of it.
I am so so enjoying the solitude and I am so happy to be traveling alone.

When I went back packing around South East Asia in 2009 on my own I was dying to meet people. I remember arriving in Kho Pagnan Thailand.  I was dying to party and have some fun so I put my back pack into my little beach hut and wandered off to the beach bar.
 On route I walked past a guy in a hammock outside his hut so I asked him if he fancied a beer that I was off to the bar to get myself one and I would gladly fetch one for his fine self. He said yes. well that as they say was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
That was how I met Mike from California he is a great guy and we spent about a week hanging out together on Kho Pagnan. We would chill out outside his bungalow in the hammocks drinking beer and getting stoned happy days. Also there was Patrick from Germany and some other dude from Austria I think but I cant really recall his name. We had some great times and one night we all did a mushroom shake. I had never had mushrooms before so I was a bit worried in case I thought I was a bird and tried to fly off things but it was great, we had such a great evening. We all sat on the beach in deck chairs looking up at the stars off our tits and there was hundreds of falling stars or at least I think there was.
 I was wearing a long skirt that was decorated in sequins and little mirrors and the boys kept asking me to dance around and around because they were tripping off the reflection of the stars shinning on the mirrors, so I obliged of course.

So yes in South east Asia I was dying for company and always up for a party but this trip really that has been the furthest thing from my mind.
I have not really mixed with any tourists, I haven't wanted to. When I sit and chill at night I sit with the Indian people I know. The waiters in the restaurants were I eat and the guys from my beach huts and of course little Sharhu from the beach shop.
The only person I spend anytime with apart form the locals is Britta. Britta is the lady I told you about in an earlier blog who has hair down to her waist and has a beautiful daughter with Afro curls and skin the colour of creamy coffee. Britta is super cool I really like her and Jamila is so cute. Britta is German and lives in Berlin, Jamila's daddy is from Tanzania in Africa he is  Rastafarian, he is back in Berlin.
The three off us went off to Agonda the other day and we chill on the beach some days here in Palolem. Britta is right up my street she is a bit of a hippie chick and I love watching her with Jamila she is a wonderful mother and they really are great company. We laugh and play in the ocean and we have lunch together and share our food and Thursday nights are live music nights so we always sit around the fire on the beach singing along together.
Apart from them to be honest I have not really spoken to anyone . I know that might make me sound like a stuck up bitch but I don't want to sit around with people drinking beer and getting high because I know I will be tempted and I know once I start I will be back on that roller coaster and I wont be able to get off until it goes crashing at full speed into a wall and leaves me devastated, depressed and wrecked.
I have been in India for 3 weeks and sober now for almost a month and I feel great. The black clouds of depression have slowly lifted day after day and now each morning I see the beautiful sunrise and I feel peace in my heart.

On Saturday I am leaving Palolem and I am moving along the coast to Agonda. It is so peaceful and quiet there and pretty that I want to stay there for a few days before leaving Goa for Kerala. I love the little village and the little cafes and I am really drawn to the church there.
I will continue with my yoga as I have really got into it and I am getting stronger and more flexible everyday. I found a yoga teacher already in Agonda so I will start there as soon as I am settled.

I feel ready to leave Palolem now. I have loved it and it is a beautiful beach and I have some wonderful memories but 3 weeks is enough. That is another thing about being sober I remember everything. For years I have been walking around in a drunken haze, like I'm wearing somebody else s spectacles. I can never remember where I have been and what I have done after a night out drinking. Whole hours just disappear from my life. Maybe this is a survival mechanism because if I could remember I would have probably have thrown myself under the Victoria train to Brixton years ago.
So it has been great waking up everyday with a clear conscience and no regrets or shame to deal with and to be able to remember every second of every day, to be present in every moment of everyday.

The only negative things about my time in Palolem is the dogs.

There are hundreds of dogs in Goa and I would say about forty dogs maybe more live on the beach at Palolem. I love animals and especially dogs but these dogs are something else. I am sure they must originate from England because the daft twats sit around all day in the sun like the English people out in the mid day sun baking themselves to an oblivion.

They are the angriest dogs I have ever come across and it does not surprise me because as i said they are out in the hot sun all day. They are fighting each other every five minutes and pulling each other to bits.
I was trying to enjoy my organic muesli the other day and there was ears and tails flying everywhere. I saw a dog today with no tail were it had been ripped off and the dog next door has had his eye ripped out and a dog a few bars down has three legs. For the love of god how is the poor sod supposed to piss up lampposts with a leg missing!!!!!!

And at night it is worse, I did not sleep a wink the first few nights in Palolem because of the flamin racket the dogs were making on the beach.
 To be honest on my first night the lovely lady in the next beach hut kept me awake all night. I don't know if the kind gentleman present was serving her a delicious meal because she kept asking for more more more and I was lying there thinking, bloody hell love your diet has gone well up the shoot on this holiday.

But apart from that it has been the dogs that have kept me awake every night. I can hear them barking and scrapping on the beach and then you hear the yelps of what ever poor bugger has been attacked and it is just canine carnage. It sounds like Battersea dogs home on acid.

After about 5 nights with no sleep I decided to go to the pharmacy in Chaudi to buy some ear plugs. I was asking the lovely old man for ear plugs but he had no idea what I was talking about. I was pointing to my ears saying 'I need to sleep help me I need to sleep' 'Oh yes madame yes madame i understand' and he handed me 2 strips of Valium and a box of diaxepan. Well blow me down, back in the day I would have had that delicious concoction straight up me left nostril before you could say Pete Doherty but there was no way I was coming to spiritual India and getting addicted to prescription drugs. I was here to detox and find God not in-tox and find Satan.

Eventually I found some ear plugs and I have had the most amazing sleep ever since. The dogs are the only down side for me. they chase me down the beach in the morning when I am doing my run and I am praying they wont bite me because rabies is rife in India and the last thing I need to be doing is foaming at the mouth it brings back to many memories of my clubbing days.

Anyway I am really happy and having a wonderful relaxing time. I eat organic food everyday, sit in the sun, run and do yoga. Every day is a blessing and I am so grateful. I am really pleased to be going to spend time in Agonda and I will be visiting the church every day.

I'm off to bed now so nite nite and don't  let the rabid dogs bite!!!!

My Ayuvedic Body Massage Experiance

After doing so much yoga and finding myself aching in places were I didn't even know I had muscles I decided to treat myself to a nice massage.
Well what an experience!!!!

I had noticed a Ayuvedic treatment centre up on the headland separating Palolem And Colom balancing up above the rocks.The setting looked very picturesque, surrounded with beautiful trees and flowers so I decided to take a stroll up there one day after coming from the beach as the sun was starting to set.
I soon realised to my annoyance that this was the worst bloody time to be wandering off into the woodlands as the flamin mosquito's were just coming out for dinner I had come straight from a day on the beach so I did not have my mozzy spray with me so I was ravished by the bleeders.
I think it is deeply unfair that I a vegetarian and lover of all of Gods creatures should be attacked and blood sucked from my poor defenseless body in this way. I mean I don't even kill mosquito's I feel bad if I step on a ant and I always rescue flies out of drinks on bits of tissue praying over them in the hope that may sober up from the gin and manage the strength to un-stick themselves from the tissue and fly off into the warm breeze alive and free to see another day.
So by the time I had finally found the treatment rooms through a maze of banana trees bushes and shrubs and coconut palms I was flustered and covered in itchy red bites.

I stood in the little reception area inside a small wooden building reading a list of treatments from a notice board.
There were four cubicles curtained off with long black pieces of silk  with pretty borders of rust, orange and red. There was a glorious scent of jasmine and patchouli from the oils that I presumed were being smoothed onto the aching bodies of tourists behind the curtains. Incense burned and a stereo played the sweet mellow sounds of tropical birds that slowly started to relax me after my ordeal with the man eating mosquito's outside in the woods.

A gentleman who must have sensed my presence as I did not make a sound came from behind the curtain and whispered a welcome to me. He was short about thirty five and had a friendly smile and I noticed he had enormous hands. I told him that i would like to have a massage that I had a quick look at the list and would like the Ayurveda Body massage. I was really hoping it was not him that was going to do the treatment. I never like to have men massaging me, I know they are usually stronger but it feels all too personal for my liking,  I feel uncomfortable and tense and I really wanted to be able to relax and enjoy this treat I had awarded myself after hours of yoga.
Anyway he made a phone call, told me to wait on one of the wicker chairs in the reception and returned to his client behind the silk curtain. I was not waiting long when two Indian ladies dressed in matching sari's which I presumed must be the uniform, appeared at the door and I felt so relieved that I would not be stripping down to my under-crackers in front of some random guy with hands the size of shovels a pot of burning oil and a twinkle in his eye.

They escorted me into one of the little cubicles and pulled the black silk curtain closed. It was a small room and in the centre of the floor stood a dark wooden table.It was the darkest wood I have ever seen and it was huge, it appeared to be just one piece of solid wood on four solid legs, that must have been one bloody great tree I found myself thinking.
 I could not for the life of me  imagine having a massage on this piece of solid wood and i certainty could not imagine it being comfortable. Where is the mattress i thought or the leather couch that i used when I worked as a masseuse.
The room was dark and a candle twinkled in the corner and  it was warm and sweetly scented and as I looked around I could see the sky above and the coconut palms there was a huge gap in between the wooden walls and the thatched palm roof. and I again realised that lying there on that wooden table I would most definitely be eaten alive my bloody mozzies.

The older of the ladies told me to "take clothes off" I instantly felt shy as both woman were staring at me. I slipped off my little dress and then she looked firmly at me again and said "Clothes off" and I thought she cant mean my bloody knickers as well surly.  I had visions of me naked covered in oil slipping and sliding legs a kimbo flashing my uterus all over this what looked like very old kitchen table. I'm quite sure it wouldn't have been the first time and I'm quite sure it would not be pretty.

Now if I had had a few gins before going for this massage I would have stripped off without a moments hesitation, swung my knickers around my head and seductively cast them aside into the grateful waiting hands of the youngest lady in the corner and then would have back flipped butt naked onto the table and would have treated them both to a complimentary lap dance LOL LOL But I was sober and I know this is hard for some of you to believe but I am very very shy, honest!
Anyway I took off my bikini top and with a small argument and a lot of tutting and a few grabs of the strings that were holding my privates, private she gave up and allowed me to keep my knickers on, I was deeply grateful.
The older of the ladies helped me up onto the table and the treatment began. I had no idea what to expect and I thought it was very strange that the second lady was still in the room, I thought perhaps she was an apprentice and was there to watch or perhaps she was a bit of a perv,  but then both ladies set to work one on either side of my body. They dripped hot oil bordering on scolding all over my body and massaged me so firmly and with such speed and vigor that I really thought that at any moment I would come skidding on my bare arse off the table feet first through the silk curtain flying past the shocked faces of the waiting clients in the reception and straight out into the flora and fauna of the  garden.
I had never in my life experienced anything like it. It really felt surreal and like no massage I had ever had anywhere in the world. Both woman used exactly the same movements at the same time, pushing and pulling me in all directions, slapping me and pounding me with their fists the only difference was the older lady was firmer I could tell she knew what she was doing you could tell she had been doing this for many years.
 They massaged everything and I mean boobies too, I didn't dare object.  I was so bloody glad I  kept my knickers on because i was slipping around on that table like a mud wrestler.
After been flipped over and receiving a buttock massage  as well as the best foot leg and back massage I have ever had I was then treated to the pummeling of my life LOL!!!
The younger  lady left us alone she had probably had enough of the sight of my pale flabby body skidding around on that table to last her a life time
Then the delightful therapist went to work on me. I'm not sure what it was that she was using It felt like a really heavy sponge wrapped in cloth that was red hot banging over and over all over my back and buttocks and legs. She really did go for it, she knocked ten bells out of me. In between each battering she dipped the offending item into hot oil and then walloped me with it some more. This went on for at least ten minutes, whack pound whack pound I just lay there thinking the poor bloody mosquito's will be crushed to death. I will be walking around with their little corpses stuck to my ass all the way home.

Eventually the beating was over and she asked me to sit up and she pulled me by the thighs to the side of the table so I was looking straight into her face and my legs were hanging off the table. Strange position to find one self in especially with your boobs hanging out I mean for the love of God.
She then began to massage my face which was so strange especially when her face was so close to mine that I could count the grey hairs in her eyebrows and the only thing in between us was my boobs, but by this time I would have gone along with anything.
After the face rub she towelled me down and told me "Clothes on".
I have to say it was a rather interesting encounter. I certainly felt zoned out but not quite sure if I was super relaxed or just in a state of shock.

Then to just round the treatment off nicely as I jumped off the bed and glanced over my shoulder I noticed the table was smothered and covered  in oil it was as  black as the black hole of Calcutta and there on the side of the table where I had sat having a topless face rub were two huge dry circular shapes were my humongous ass cheeks had been, I could not believe that that was actually the size of my bottom it looked like a baby elephant had sat there Nice touch Jacqueline!!! 

Chaudi market and my indian cookery class

Firstly I want to say how sad I feel to learn today of the passing of Whitney Houston.

Instantly I was reminded of Amy Whinehouse another talented singer who died too young. It is apparently not confirmed how Whitney died and why but I hope she is now at peace.

My heart feels heavy and sad for all tortured souls that find themselves in the claws of addiction. It is so easy for others that have not experienced the tight grip of such addictions to judge others, but nobody however pure of heart they may think themselves to be, should ever judge or hold themselves in a superior or elevated position.
I think such afflictions can effect anybody at any time no matter what age race or religion, who knows what may unfold in your life  that could drive you to the depths of the deepest sorrow and depression and who knows what comfort or oblivion you may seek to block out that pain.
The song 'walk a mile in my shoes' is a perfect song to listen to if you find yourself in a position of judging others.

Yesterday I visited the weekly Chaudi market with my little friend from the beach shop Sharhu.
We were buying vegetables and grains for dinner. Sharhu had promised to educate me in the ways of the Indian women in the kitchen.

The market was great. It attracts traders from all over Goa and beyond. It is mainly selling fruits and vegetables but also grains and flour and dried beans and pulses, spices and teas and everything really a good Indian wife would need for her kitchen.
What really made me smile whilst walking around the market was the amount of market traders that were asleep on their stalls. On nearly every stall there was a man asleep on the floor with his dirty feet up on what ever he was selling, hilarious. I could not imagine for one second going along to the Bullring market in Birmingham England and been fronted with the filthy soles of a hundred feet of market traders asleep on their stalls.
It was a very colourful market with lots of fruits of all different colours and shapes and sizes and things I had never before seen in my life.
I saw pink onions and pink carrots and prickly looking fruits and cauliflowers the size of beach balls.
I learnt yesterday that Sharhu is only fifteen and as I watched her bargaining and arguing with the market traders I was amazed at her confidence at such a young age.
There was a great atmosphere in the market, Hindi music was blasting from transmitter radios and cows and their calf's were leisurely strolling between the produce munching on any discarded vegetables surronded in a cloud of flies.

Sharhu bought flour and mung beans, millet and lentils for dahl. chai tea powder and lots of different spices and fruits and vegetables.
There was only a few foreigners in the market so I did attract a lot of attention. I wore a long dress down to my ankles and a scarf around my shoulders but still everybody stared at me and quizzed sharhu about who I was and what was she doing with 'the white woman'. Everybody was friendly though and smiled their tobacco stained toothy smiles at me.

Once we had bought all the vegetables and fruit and pulses we needed we flagged down a tuk tuk back to Palolem. I love riding in tuk tuks I used to use them all over Thailand and Cambodia, they are fast and nippy weaving in and out of the traffic with ease, the only thing they slow down for are the cows as it would be the worst of crimes to harm the sacred cow.

I met little Sharhu at seven o'clock from her little shop on the beach  and we walked together the five minutes to her room. Sharhu shares her room with her brother, it is a small room in a family home. They are not relatives of sharhu's just a family that rents out rooms in their house. The room was small about the size of my bathroom in England and had a single bed against the wall and a little gas cooking stove in the corner. sharuhs sari's and salwar kammez were hung across a piece of rope that was tied to the ceiling and her brothers were hanging on hooks on the back of the door. The concrete walls were painted bright yellow and the roof was made of terracotta tiles. On the ceiling was a small fan and as I sat down on the floor she switched it on. It was like the propeller of a bloody helicopter, I moved my self promptly from under the fan worried that the metal beast would come screaming from the terracotta tiles at any moment decapitating my nervous head from my freckled body.

It was a nice room, sharhu asked me if i liked it and I answered truthfully that I did. it was small but it was spotlessly clean and I could see she took great pride in it. There was small alter on the wall at the end of the bed. it had a picture of a Hindu god an incarnation of Krishna. Sharhu had incense and candles and fresh flowers in front of the alter and i could see by all the candles and incense that that alter was a daily part of Sharhus and her brothers lives.

That is the main thing that I love about India. Never before in any country I have been to in over twenty years have I ever found anywhere that is as spiritual as India. God is part of every bodies life. Each adult and child believes with all their heart that their relationship with god and finding enlightenment is the purpose and the main meaning of life. I love this about India. I love that these warm and open souls praise god every moment of their lives. That worship is not just saved for Sundays and holidays like Christmas and Easter. These god loving people are praying and worshipping God every moment of every day. Alters are adorned with flowers daily and prayers are said and offerings given. I know this is where i am supposed to be right now and i feel so much closer to the spiritual life I crave now I am in India amongst these wonderful people and their traditions and beliefs.

Sharhu got to work straight away. She removed the little gas stove from the table in the corner and placed it on the floor. Borrowing a rotti board from here neighbor she sat herself on her haunches on the floor. It amazes me how the people of India can sit like this comfortably for hours. Sharhu opened her bag of rotti flour and  removed a small saucepan of boiling water from the stove and went to work mixing small amounts of the water with the rotti flour. She gently folded the mixture together with  a metal spatula and when all the flour was mixed together to form a soft dough she began to need with her hands. She then separated the dough into about fifteen balls and worked each one with such speed and skill into a flat shaped circle on the floured rotti board. Then she pounded each rotti cake over and over again until it was as thin as a sheet of paper, turning it and pounding it, turning and pounding. the noise it created was so loud and she was working so fast and I just sat there stunned watching her tiny young hands creating such wonderful food.

Sharhu started to heat a flat circular rotti plate on the gas stove and then placed the delicate wafer thin rotti onto the plate, she then dipped a small cloth into the saucepan of water and smoothed the wet cloth gently across the cake, no oil was used or salt or anything else just flour and water.
After a few minutes using her hand she turned the rotti over pressing it into the hot plate and then went back to the turning and pounding of the next cake on her board. Her neighbour had shouted through the little window in Sharhus room that she needed her rotti board so Sharhu started working even faster. Her hands did not stop for a second and before long all of the cakes were cooked and the board returned to the shouting neighbour.
Sharhu offered me a warm rotti and I sat there munching the delicious warm cake and marvelling at such a simple recipe but the skill and care that was taken in its preparation.
Sharu then went on to share with me another vegetarian recipe using cauliflower and chilli's and garama masala and onions and tomatoes. She worked so quickly and washed and cleaned and sliced everything with such care and attention that I found myself thinking of the fifteen year old girls back home in England, never had I seen a girl of her age at home preparing a meal with such skill and attention.

We all ate together Gopi, Sharhu and myself crossed legged on the floor of their room. the food was delicious, simple ingredients but so tasty and good. We laughed and shared stories and munched on a box of Indian traditional sweets I had bought for them as a gift.

Sharhu told me that she sleeps on the floor while her brother sleeps on the comfortable bed and she washes his clothes and prepares all his meals. Sharhu then works seven days every week on the beach and returns to their room and takes care of her brother as if he were her husband. It is hard for me to imagine living this life but sharhu is always smiling and joking and I feel such admiration and affection for her.

Whilst walking back to my room along the beach that night I thanked God for my life. The opportunities I have been so fortunate to receive, my education that Sharhu and her brother have both been denied, they have both been working for years to support their family. I feel very humbled by the way of life in India and it warms my heart that these people smile and laugh and praise God and are devoted and grateful for what they have.

In Love With Palolem

Well tomorrow will be my second week in Palolem.

It was a great choice and a great place to start my trip, so great I have just paid up for another week. I'm a crap backpacker really I always fall in love with a place and the people and find it hard to leave so I always stay longer than planned and don't get to see as much but I'm so happy and i have had such a wonderful time that I don't want to leave just yet.
 My days are so fantastic. I lay in bed this morning just listening to the morning rising from its sleep. The ocean kissing the beach good morning and the birds singing sweet melodies whilst dancing around on my palm roof.
 Then i had my yoga class,  it is held in a bamboo hut and whilst we are twisting and turning and connecting with God we are serenaded by the sound of the ocean of the wild birds and playful monkeys outside.
Then after yoga i sat in the sun and swam in the ocean. I am not taking anything for granted, I know in every breath how blessed I am and i am just loving every moment so much.
Everyday there is a beautiful sunset. each day seems to be more beautiful than the last but for me more than anything it is the people i have met that have pulled on my heart strings and kept me anchored in Palolem.

Sonia or sharu or Shara, the girl I told you about who has three names and works in the shop on the  beach has been such a sweetness in my days here. Today she called me into her little shop to eat lunch with her and her brother Gopi. We all sat crossed legged on the floor and sharu as I call her served us Chapatti and Dhal and a spicy green bean dish that she had prepared that morning. I followed sharu and Gopi with how they ate. I had read in my Rough Guide to India about the right hand rule , that you only eat with your right hand never with  your left. You can hold your chapatti with the left to tear it but you can never put your left hand to your mouth as this is the hand for jobs such as wiping ones bottom. Nice rule i think i like it. anyway Indian people don't use cutlery for eating only the right hand, to be honest I enjoyed it i have no problem with eating with my fingers you just use the rotti or chapatti to soak and mop up the food and into the mouth it goes.

Tomorrow I am off to the market with sharu to buy vegetables, she is going to give me an Indian cooking lesson at her home tomorrow night. Sharu and I will be cooking rotti and curry and vegtables with spicy gravy and then sharu and Gopi and myself will have dinner together when Gopi finishes work.
I have loved getting to know them both, they are only very young, Sharu is sixteen and her brother is ninteen and when they invited me to their home i was so touched and delighted. Their family is in Karnataka, they have told me how much they miss their mother  but are here in palolem for the season to earn some money for the family, then in April they will leave palolem and return to their home. I told sharu that I will pay for the food from the market and she was very shy and sweet and grateful, she has been so kind to me everyday day and we sit and talk for hours on the beach about India and her family and our lives and different cultures that it really is the very least I can do.

Also I will find it hard to say goodbye to Jun and the boys and the beach bar I sit at most days. Jun is actually from Nepal, he is a lovely guy and always saves me my sun-lounger away from all the other tourists under the palm trees.
He takes care of me everyday, brings me my lunch and drinks he is very sweet. He has asked me out for dinner a few times but i said no. I told him that i am here to pray and not to pull, ha ha  "pull what miss Jacqueline" he said "I never asked you to pull anything just to have dinner with me"  LOL hilarious, I spent 10 minutes explaining what pulling someone means, that it just means hooking up with someone or starting some kind of relationship of some description.   Anyway he took it quite well, I told him I'm not interested in tripping the light fandango with anyone which took me another 10 minutes to explain.He has tried to convince me that it is not good to be alone all the time and i explained that I am not always alone, i talk with people in the day but I like to eat, run and sleep alone. He is still lovely and sweet and we are still friends so all is good.
  Also I am not ready to bid farewell to young Misshra my cutie of a waiter that serves me dinner every night and Mukesh the manager of Parvatti, we all sit together at night chatting and playing cards and laughing and I feel so at home and just cant leave them yet.

I have made myself a promise though that I will definitely definitely leave Palolem next Saturday.
 I have not just sat on the beach in Palolem for 3 weeks, not that there is anything wrong with that at all.  I have ventured out to the neighbouring village of Colom which is a lovely Hindu fishing village with a few guest houses and beach huts and patnem further along the coast which is quieter than where I am . I did think about moving to Patnem because I don't like to be surrounded by lots of tourists i think it was the six years working as a Thomson holiday rep that made me develop an acute allergic reaction to them.
I decided not to move in the end as I love the Parvatti beach huts and the friends I have made so am having three weeks with them all.


Tomorrow Rupesh my loyal and trusted  taxi driver is taking me to another resort, Agonda. Agonda is only about thirty minutes away but is supposed to be very quiet and hardly any tourists so it sounds like paradise to me. I am only going for the day Rupesh will collect me at 5pm and take me home to Parvatti but at least I am seeing something different and enjoying a new experiance.

I was going to venture up to north Goa for my last week in Goa but i am starting to have second thoughts. All the locals have told me to avoid it as it is a haven for drunkards and people tripping and getting stoned. back in the day i would have been on the first bus up there with sparks coming off my flip flops but I am really enjoying the sober chilled peace that I have found here in Palolem and as my dear friend Chris always tells me "Jacqueline if you don't want to have to worry about getting out of the lions den then don't jump into it in the first place" wise words from one of the most amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know and those words I keep in my heart and they have really prevented me from taking that first drink that would have inevitably led to drunkenness and no end of trouble and guilt and shame and God only knows what else.

I think instead I am going to take the advice of Dinesh the owner of my beach hut and take the train out of Goa to neighbouring Karnataka. I will leave my things here at parvatti and just take a small bag of things to last me a couple of days. There are some old ruins there and it is now a World heritage site. I have looked it up in The Rough Guide and I like the sound of the little town of Hampi with its majestic river and bustling bazaar and temples.
I have always dreamt of enjoying a train journey through the countryside in India so I will be fulfilling another dream.

So many dreams and so many becoming my reality.
I feel truly blessed

My Day out as a Tourist

Dudhsagar waterfalls and the Russians

Well I finally got off my big fat flabby white ass and went and saw some of south Goa.
I hired the dear Rupesh for the day to take me around the south to see a bit of the countryside.
Firstly we drove to the Dudhsagar waterfalls. They are 600m from head to foot and are spectacular and some of the highest in India. Dudhasgar is a Konkani name that means "Sea of milk" this name was given because of the white foam that kicks up at the bottom of the waterfall giving the appearance of milk.The waterfalls are surrounded by dense tropical forests and wild monkeys swing in the trees. Allot of people there were feeding the monkeys and it looked really cute but I read in my "Rough Guide to India" to give monkeys a wide birth because rabies is wide spread across the country so I didn't go anywhere near them. I mean I have enough problems convincing people to be friends with me as it is but if i turn up at someones door with rabies barking like a wild dog and peeing up lampposts then I believe the few friends that I do have left will phone up the local dog pound and have me captured and put down. 

The journey east only takes about an hour and a half and takes you through some great bustling towns and farming villages.
It is great to see the Indian people doing there thing. The woman working hard in the rice fields and scooters dashing this way and that and the cows, my god the cows are so funny, they just walk up and down the middle of the roads so slowly and all the drivers are weaving in and out of them. They are a sacred animal in India so nobody eats beef and nobody hits them or hurts them so really the cows are worshipped and protected.
I have decided in my next life I want to come back as a cow, I already have the ass for it, I'm lacking slightly in the udder department but I have the eyelashes too so not much of a transition really. I would love to just laze around where ever I chose to plonk myself, chew a bit of grass which would be easy as I'm a vegetarian, crap on the road, waltz up the beach and bake in the sun how wonderful and just call me something sweet like daisy and I'm your best friend.(only joking about the crapping in the road )
Anyway the waterfalls, Rupesh dropped me off in some little town in the middle of no where and then I had to hire a jeep well a seat in one to get me through the rough terrain and swamps up to the waterfalls. I was in a jeep with 5 Russians. There are allot of Russians in Goa, to be honest they are everywhere and each to their own and all that but my god do they make some racket. They are so bloody loud and so rude and I bet some of you are thinking I have just described myself after having a few gins but believe me they are worse...honest!.
The men walk around with bulging eyes and bulging tummy's which they don't cover, bulging budgie covers (speedos) and they have bulging wallets to match. Even the Rough Guide to India  kind of blames the Russians and their free spending ways for pushing up the prices in India. But the girls, oh my my my the girls are like nothing on Gods earth. It is like someone has just rounded them up from the local lap dancing club. They were tottering around in wedges on the bloody rocks at the waterfalls and walking around in bikinis flashing their plastic bazookas all  done up like a dogs dinner.

The Indian men as you can imagine were hyperventilating and foaming at the mouth but these girls just seem to be oblivious to what they are doing.
Don't they pick up a bloody guide book before going to a foreign country, don't they at least learn a little bit about the culture and customs, I always where ever I go watch what the locals do and behave and dress and I always try to be respectable and modest in my dress, I mean bikinis are fine on the beach but at a tourist sight where people are eating and the local people are present I just think it is so disrespectful.

The other day I was sitting on the beach, it was early morning and I noticed a small group of monks walking along the beach, immediately I covered myself with my sarong, I mean it was early and I didn't want to inflict the sight of me oozing out of a bikini on them first thing, but seriously it was out of respect that I covered myself over until they passed.
Anyway just as this group of monks were passing by a Russian girl jumps up in her bikini which was about the size of 3 postage stamps and struts off into the sea walking in between the monks flicking her long red hair seductively over her shoulder as she went. The group of monks had to separate and step aside to let the old trout through. I could not believe what I was seeing and to make it even more shocking she was wearing a g-string, it was like a piece of dental floss after it had been used. The poor monks stood frozen to the spot and I really thought the elder of the monks was going to pass out, he went a funny shade of blue which clashed terribly with the red of his robes. I could just picture him falling to the ground  robes and sandals flying everywhere. I just buried my face in my sarong with shame I was mortified, the Russian old trout!!!!!

So apart from the loud and naked Russians I really enjoyed my visit to the waterfalls, they are incredibly beautiful and the monkeys were so much fun to watch especially when one of them yanked a banana so hard out of a Russian mans hand that the dipstick fell forward on to the rocks, ha ha ha  Aren't I a bitch, well he never hurt himself he was laughing but there were signs everywhere saying "Don't Feed the Monkeys" so I hope he learnt his lesson, he was quite lucky wearing only his little pink trunks that it was only the banana that the monkey made a grab for LOL LOL that's enough of that x

Palolem Contd

More lazy days in Palolem

So my first week in India has been wonderful. I feel so happy and relaxed and at times when I am sat on the beach looking at the palm trees and the beautiful ocean I feel so overwhelmed with how blessed and how fortunate I am to be here and to be living my dream that I start crying. The waiter Jun from the restaurant that I sit outside on the beach each day  has come over to me several times this week full of concern to see if I am ok.
I told him it is the book I am reading, that it is very sad. He told me to throw the book away, that he will put it on the bonfire in the evening with the rubbish, that I should be happy and not be crying every day over a book.

I'm not sad, I am crying tears of happiness and most of all they are tears of gratitude.
I sit there on my sun lounger thanking God for each heart warming moment of each soul soothing day since I left England. I am having such a wonderful time that there are moments when  I feel guilty that I am so happy and having such a nice time. It's crazy really the way we are programmed, I mean we are supposed to enjoy ourselves and live life but because of the way we are dictated to about saving for the future and keeping a tight hold on the purse strings and always being reminded that we are going through a recession that I am made to feel guilty that I have resigned from a good job and took off for a year. My dad is appalled that I have resigned, he keeps saying that I should hold on to my job as things are so tuff now in England that I should be grateful for a job. But I don't want to live in England and I don't want to work day in day out and be grateful for it just in case I could be made redundant. I want to live now, this day in this moment and it is what I am doing and will continue to do.
I don't care about a bloody pension and I don't want a mortgage so shove it where the rats won't get at it because I may not be on the earth to enjoy the benefits of a house or a pension because all I really have is NOW, this moment and at this moment I am where I want to be, in India in a Internet cafe on the beach wearing my bikini and sarong with the ocean roaring in my ear and sand between my toes.

I have met so many nice people this week. Misshra is a little waiter in the restaurant next door to where I am staying. He is only 16years old and he is adorable. He is  from Calcutta but he is here working and sending money home to his family.
Misshra is the kind of son I would love to have. He is so polite and shy and has the most wonderful smile and happy eyes, he works so hard and I know that there is not a bad bone in his body.
Most mornings I have my breakfast there with Misshra, he takes care of me and his beautiful smile is a wonderful sight first thing in the morning. Every day i have a papaya lassi and a fruit salad. A lassi is a drink made with the fruit of your choice and natural yogurt.  I want to fill my tum with good bacteria just in case any wild and wonderful bacteria decide to attack. To be honest I am loving the food and touch wood I have not been ill and my tum feels great.
Ever night I have tried a different Indian dinner. I love Indian food and eat it loads at home but here in India sat by the sea and eating the traditional dishes is such a wonderful experience. I love the spicy dalhs and the creamy korma's. I have a masala poppadom every night which is a spicy poppadom sprinkled with green chillies and chopped tomatoes and cucumber it is delicious. I adore the sagwala which is a spinach based dish with paneer indian cheeseand mushroom and I am in love with the rotti's which are delicious floured thin pancake's served warm with your meal.
I have eaten in a few different restaurants but Misshra looks so sad when I walk past in the evening to go else where that I tend to have dinner with him too. He stands close to my table and is right there next to me "yes mam" if i look in his direction, he is a wonderful attentive waiter and I'm sure his mother in Calcutta must miss him terribly. It's a good job I'm sober and jacquelina is not here in Palolem  because she would have probably picked him up by now and thrown him over her shoulder and eaten the poor lad alive.

Every morning I  have started my day with a run on the beach, it takes about 20 mins to run up and down the beach so nothing too challenging and after that I go to yoga. I am loving my yoga and I went and bought myself a yoga mat because I intend to do yoga everyday. Where ever I am in India I will carry my yoga mat and I will start each day with yoga. I love the peace it brings me, it is the only time I truly relax and let go. I find that it helps me to calm down and tune in and just breathe.

During my journey from the airport last Saturday the taxi driver pointed out an Indian wedding to me that we passed, it looked amazing. There was music playing and there was so many beautiful ladies in their brightly coloured saris, the whole street was like a beautiful bright never ending rainbow.
I told the driver that I would love to go to an Indian wedding whilst in India. I have always wanted to go to an Indian wedding. i remember when I was at school and my sister went to an Indian wedding. i remember her dressing in a sari with two of her friends and I was so envious of her i really wanted to go too.
Well blow me down but didn't I get an invitation to an Indian wedding yesterday. I am so chuffed I have only been in India for one week and I'm going to a wedding. Dinesh and Pooja who own Parvati beach huts have invited me to Pooja's sisters wedding next Wednesday.
I am so so excited  to be able to be part of such a wonderful celebration. Pooja said that 700 guests will be going to the wedding, how incredible 700 guests. can you imagine all those saris and jewelry and food and incense and dancing and prayer. Ha ha ha  700 guests and me!!!!. I can just imagine how incredible the photos will be.

Last Monday i went into Chaudi with Mukesh from the parvatti huts and his friend Pukesh who is a taxi driver. They helped me get a sim card for my phone and they helped me to buy a salwar kameez. I wanted a traditional Indian dress but didn't think I would be able to dress my self in a sari easily so I decided on the kameez. I wanted to have something pretty but respectable for visits to holy places and temples or for having dinner with Indian people. Its all worked out great because the day i collected my salwar kameez I was invited to a wedding  I'm so happy because now I can wear it to the wedding of pooja's sister. I will take lots of photos and pop them on face book.
My salwar kameez is cream and buttercup yellow. The trousers are fitted down to the ankle and the dress is to the knee with gold embroidery around the neck line. It has been hand made and fits perfectly. It was so cheap only six pounds for the material and four pounds for the tailor to measure me up and do the business. It has a long silk cream scarf that feels so soft and so feminine and dainty that I think I will always want to dress this way.
I think the woman here are just so beautiful. I love the different colours of their clothes the scarlet and turquoise, the canary yellow and majestic purple. I love the way they decorate their toes and ankles with bracelets and bells and their long black glossy hair is scented with jasmine and coconut. I love watching them as they walk along the beach with  their silk scarves fluttering in the breeze behind them like the wings of a thousand butterflies.

When I was in chaudhi I asked Mukesh to take me to a Indian sweet shop. I was dying to try some traditional Indian desserts. Mukesh has been a great help to me this week he has helped me so much and twice when I have needed to go to Chaudi he has escorted me there and into the shops so he can translate for me so I get what I need.
Anyway mukesh helped me to choose some desserts and i came away with a box full of different colourful delicious looking sweets. Once back on the beach i shared them with misshra and the other waiters and mukesh and rupesh. we sat there munching our sweets together on the beach and i was so pleased to do something  nice for them after all the sweet things they had done for me in the last seven days.


There are so many interesting people in Palolem. I love sitting on my sun lounger just watching people. There is a German lady who sits on the beach each day with her daughter. her daughter is about 4 years old and is adorable. She is mixed race and has a mop of chocolate coloured curls that have been kissed by the sun at the tips turning them to golden caramel. I love watching this lady and her daughter. they have so much fun. they play in the sea together and chase each other and roll in the sand and as I watch them i can't help but think about my niece shylah and how much i miss her.
I did feel a little sad watching this lady and her daughter. I always thought I would be a mother but i am 38 this year and I'm single and have been forever so i have no idea if I will ever have a child now.
I have always been a traveler. I never stay in one place for too long. There is always another country another adventure another life I want to see and be part of and live. I guess it is the sacrifice I made but I have no regret's about seeing the world. I know it is such a big part of who I am. I left England when I was nineteen years old and I am thirty eight this year so I have been traveling a long time and I know I am not ready to stop , maybe I will never stop. One of my closests friends asked me what am I running from but Im not running from anything I was once but that was a long time ago. I just love to see the world, I love to live in different cultures to learn about people and their religions and customs and also about me, I know more now about myself because of every where I have been every country I have lived in every person i have met and every dream that has come true.
I know for sure that I am not running from anything, what I am doing is looking for where I fit. looking for where I feel I belong. looking for myself and for a spiritual direction. I know that it is here in India and when I have finished with the beach and the tourist bit I am going off to find it all.

Chilling Out In Palolem

My First few days in Palolem


So I have been at the Parvati beach huts Palolem for six days now and I feel like I have been here forever.
I love my little hut now it has all my clothes folded nicely in the little wardrobe, my family pics adorn the walls, candles on every service and my crystals placed under the window to recharge and cleanse them.
On my first day here I went and bought some beautiful cotton sarongs in red and green and blue and yellow with prints of Buddha and Shiva and the Ohm sign. I have used them to make the place look nice and bring me good luck of course. I have draped them across the tops of the the windows and over my bed so it looks pretty.
An ex boyfriend of mine Andy once told me he could tell I was a Liberian as soon as he saw inside my room in Mexico because I had colourful sarongs hanging every where and postcards of the places I have been on the walls and candles and incense burning into the night. Andy said Liberians like to surround themselves with beautiful things and pretty colours. To be honest that is why i probably god rid of him. He is one of these new age hippie types which I am all for but he refused to shower insisting the body cleanses itself and refused to use toothpaste because according to him the government are putting chemicals into our toothpaste to control us. I do think that maybe he has a lot of interesting theories and I learnt a lot from him in the 6 months or so we were together and he opened my eyes to the vanity and greed in my life but when you look at your bed sheets in the morning and they are as black as the black hole of Calcutta you begin to wonder whether this self cleansing story holds any weight. To be honest I think Andy has done far to may hallucinogenics and trips to be talking any sense anymore. I suppose he was right about about a lot of stuff but my God he was wrong about so many other things, but that is a different story, a different country and a different adventure.

I have settled into life in Palolem as if I have lived here before. I feel so relaxed and comfortable and at home here and have had so many wonderful moments and enjoyed so many laughs and shared so many smiles in the last six days that I find it hard to remember my life before Palolem.

My first day I rose about 9am, that is late for me really especially when I am overseas because I like to get up early and make the most of the days. I went for a walk along the beach from the south where I am staying right up to the north tip of the beach. It really is a beautiful beach especially in the morning before all the tourists crowd it with their greasy bodies and chatter. In the mornings it is just the local people the workers making there way to their places of work at the various restaurants and beach huts. There is usually a game of cricket going on somewhere on the beach, the Indians love their cricket and it is a joy to watch a load of fit young men running around and sweating all over the place.
The beach cleaners are always down on the beach early doors with their brooms and their big hats to shade their faces from the Goan sun and there wicker baskets sweeping up the rubbish from yesterday so the tourists can park themselves nicely on a clean beach and spend the next day  getting it dirty again.
A waiter that works at the place where I sit most days,  Jun told me that the beach cleaners are furious that the local police have enforced a cut off of music and the service of alcohol at 11pm. Jun was telling me that when Palolem's nightlife could go on into the next day the beach cleaners were always finding wallets and cameras that drunken tourists had dropped in the sand but now everyone is off the beach at 11pm the chances of anyone being so plastered that they loose their belongings is pretty slim. (they haven't seen me on a mission i thought, i could loose my camera before i even get out of the taxi outside a bar if i had had a little starter whilst getting ready)
I'm glad all the music goes off at 11pm. it makes it a lot easier to stay sober and behave one self if the rest of the resort is going home to their beach huts at 11pm too.
If there were all night parties on the beach, dancing  around bonfires while sipping on mushroom shakes like on the beaches of Thailand I don't really know if I would have been able to resist the temptation for the last 6 days.

I paid for 1 week up front on Sunday morning, I just want to relax and sit in the sun and rest my bones before i head into the cities. i know it will be intense travelling alone into Mumbai and Delhi so I want to relax, learn a little Hindi and get to know the culture before hand .

I have spent most days just reading on the beach. i am so engrossed in Shantaram that jun has taken it off  several times so i will eat my lunch and enjoy it without reading.
The nice thing too is no body really hassles you like in some countries I  have lived in. There are a couple of fruit Sellers that work together that shout out to you throughout the day but they are little old men, how they carry that huge wicker basket full of watermelons and papaya and bananas I will never know, the poor man is bent over like a question mark and his mate is walking with 2 sticks. The poor things have got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin, but they are there everyday walking up and down up and down.

There are a string of little shops along the beach selling ali -baba trousers and sarongs and jewellery and the pretty girls wander form greasy tourist to greasy tourist trying to make a few rupees, but they are pleasant and sweet and I have enjoyed getting to know their names and a little about their lives.
One girl i met called herself Sonia. She sat behind a menu board shading her pretty face from the sun next to my sun lounger. I said that it was and English name and she said she had had the name Shara for fifteen years and she was bored of it and wanted a change.
What a good idea I thought, She said her mother calls her Sharru but all her friends call her Shara and the tourists call her Sonia. Lol, how clever I thought I could have done with three names when I was in my twenties living in Greece and I was spoilt for choice in the boyfriend department. There was always one on the phone, one on my arm and one on the subs bench ha ha ha . Not anymore though I have taken a vow of celibacy for my India trip, I know India will be worth it.

Parvati Paradise

My journey from Dubai to Mumbai India was very pleasant but travelling with Emirates always is I find. I always think the employees if you lined them all up together look like a very posh Benetton advert. I love the way they are from all different countries and cultures around the world and when the Persa or supervisor if you like of the flight announces how many languages they can speak the announcement goes on forever.

There was an Indian lady sat beside me on the flight she was so tiny she had her legs folded underneath her for the duration of the flight like a little child, I am far to concerned with deep vein thrombosis to be wrapping my legs around myself like that on a flight.
We started chatting and again like the lovely lady that had checked me in at Dubai she was amazed and shocked that I was going to India for 6 months and that I was doing it alone. I was used to people especially woman being surprised by me travelling alone even my friends in England were slightly shocked and concerned for me but I knew I would be fine. I had made a deal with God before leaving the UK that I would stay sober and god would keep me safe and I knew I had to keep my end of the bargain and I knew god would keep his.

Once in Mumbai I had my first glimpse of the Mumbai slums. the make shift huts of cardboard, iron and plastic line the perimeter of the airport. I probably would not of taken any notice but i am reading the book Shantaram and the author Gregory David Roberts talks about the slums as he used to live in one. I was fascinated by them. The airport bus came and collected us from the aircraft and I could see right into the slum huts as we made our way to the airport. I knew the people living there were poor but i could see them going about there business, children playing, I saw a child flying a bright green kite which flew right across the sky over the iron huts. I saw a beautiful lady in a sari sitting in the doorway of her home and she smiled at me as the airport bus stood for a moment right opposite her hut and I smiled back, i was glad that i was reading Shantaram it helped me to understand a little about slum life and not to feel pity for them just to accept it for what it is and just to smile at her and share that moment.

My flight from Mumbai to Goa was just under an hour, i was so excited i could not wait to arrive in Goa and start my love affair with India.
I collected my back pack and made my way out of the airport, I have travelled a lot and I was happy to see that unlike other countries I had been to nobody hassled me or crowded me, they asked me once if I needed a taxi or bus or help and when i said no they left me alone.
I made my way to the pre paid taxi rank which I was advised to do by my bible the 'rough guide to India'. the driver helped me to the car and we were on our way.
It was dark by now so i couldn't see much of the scenery but I saw enough of the back of other drivers back seats to last me a life time. My driver was going so fast i was given an instant face lift free of charge!.
The driver told me he had been a taxi driver in Goa since he got his driving licence 25yrs ago so i relaxed and put my trust in him and he got me to were I needed to be safe and sound.

Before coming to India i had looked at all different sorts of accommodation in Goa. i had been given the name of a lady who was a friend of  dear friend and i contacted her and she told me to head for Patnem if i wanted some where not too busy.
I had checked in the 'Rough Guide' and decided to head for Parvati beach huts Patnem. I had sent emails to the owner Dinesh but they had not sent for some reason, I had my heart set on Patnem and the Parvati huts so I asked the driver to take me there. It took about 1hour 30 min to get to Patnem and we drove around for a while trying to find the beach huts but couldn't. Eventually the driver asked some young guy in the street were they were (a very handsome young guy I would like to add), turns out he was a cousin to Dinesh's wife, he explained that parvati had moved and was now in neighbouring Palolem so we drove the 5mins to there.

I was met by a lovely young man called Mukesh, he was only slim and short but he pulled my back pack out of the trunk of the car and lifted it up onto his back as if it was a duck feather pillow.
Neither Dinesh or his wife were there but he called them and I got my self a great rate for a bamboo hut with the ocean so close my mouth tasted salty.
I was so excited once inside my hut I unpacked my things I wanted it to feel homely as soon as possible so I put Rollie on the bed so he could make himself at home (Rollie is my dear Roland rat that i have had and slept with every night since I was 7, that is unless I have had a better offer or I was to plastered to go home) I had some incense with me from home. I always burn incense when I do yoga or meditate or just to relax me after work but because I am always working away from home when in England and staying in hotels i like to burn incense to cleanse the energy in the rooms I stay in. Once i have burnt one stick i feel safe and relaxed and at home. So i lit my Golden Champa incense and thanked god for my safe arrival in Goa.

I knew before i left England i would stay at Parvati, I knew i would meet Dinesh and his wife even though I had no contact with them prior to my arrival. I had checked trip adviser and there were so many amazing comments about Dinesh, how helpful he is and what a wealth of information he is about India. I just knew i would start my trip with them, Dinesh and Pooja and Mukesh at Parvati huts.