I don't think anyone could believe it when they heard I was going to take part in a 10 day silence meditation course. To be honest I had no idea how I would cope with it either.
As you know I talk a lot and I talk a lot of shite!!!.
In fact the only person I know who talks as much balderdash as I is Russell Brand.
I said my goodbyes to the friends I had met in Rishikesh and boarded the local bus to Dehradun. I found the Vipassana Centre by asking people along the way.
I signed in and sat and waited, not sure what I was waiting for I was just told to sit and wait. That is something that you just get used to in India, no one tells you anything, there is never an explanation just an order. So I sat and waited reading the Vipassana literature on the walls explaining the technique and how it can help with anxiety and stress and can relieve deep rooted problems and purify the mind. It all sounded good to me I needed help in all those areas.
Then a really beautiful Indian woman arrived with a man on the back of a scooter. She sat down and signed in also and then the man left. I did not expect to see an Indian woman at Vipassana, she was about my age so I would think for sure she was married with children and after being in India for 5 months and learned so much about Indian culture I doubted very much that the wife and mother could just piss off for 10 days to a meditation retreat leaving the husband to manage the house, but she was here and signed in so she was defiantly doing the course .She turned around and looked at me and I smiled and then she smiled back. She was so beautiful with thick dark brown hair just past her shoulders, that was unusual for Indian ladies as usually they have a long plait down to the waist but this lady had a modern style to her hair. She was wearing a beautiful Punjabi style suit which is a long tunic over very loose baggy trousers, I thought she looked like a stick of rock it was pink and peach, she looked like a pastel fairy.
Two more people arrived a tall strong looking Indian woman and an older man I would say in his sixty's, they knew the beautiful pastel fairy so I guessed they must be family. The man behind the desk then told us all to get into the rickshaw that had just pulled up outside. It was a tight squeeze the 4 of us squeezed in to the back of the rickshaw pressed in side by side in the sweltering heat. I was sat next to the tall strong looking lady and her big strong thigh was pressing on top of mine cutting of the circulation and making me feel so hot I wanted to jump out. The pastel fairy asked my name and we started talking, she could speak some English so we chatted away for the 20 minute journey bumping and bashing ourselves black and blue in the back of the rusty rickshaw.
The older man was her father and I thought how attractive he was for his age. He was wearing a white tunic and white trousers and she told me he as a guru. He had black hair and a white beard and the most beautiful big brown eyes the colour of sweet dates and long silky black eyelashes and I couldn't help thinking what a beautiful man he must have been when he was younger.
The pastel fairy turned out to be Deepa and the strong lady with the iron thighs was called Madhu, She never told me her fathers name but I just called him Papa. Deepa asked me why I was doing Vipassana and I said I wanted to be peaceful that I talk to much and I wanted a challenge and I wanted to be closer to God and to purify my mind. She translated for her Father and Madhu and he roared laughing he thought it was hilarious that I said I said I wanted to be closer to God he said he didn't expect a western woman to say that.
The older man was her father and I thought how attractive he was for his age. He was wearing a white tunic and white trousers and she told me he as a guru. He had black hair and a white beard and the most beautiful big brown eyes the colour of sweet dates and long silky black eyelashes and I couldn't help thinking what a beautiful man he must have been when he was younger.
The pastel fairy turned out to be Deepa and the strong lady with the iron thighs was called Madhu, She never told me her fathers name but I just called him Papa. Deepa asked me why I was doing Vipassana and I said I wanted to be peaceful that I talk to much and I wanted a challenge and I wanted to be closer to God and to purify my mind. She translated for her Father and Madhu and he roared laughing he thought it was hilarious that I said I said I wanted to be closer to God he said he didn't expect a western woman to say that.
We were dropped off a 5 minute walk away from the Vipassana centre and had to walk across a field and through a shallow rocky stream. It was so beautiful and peaceful, the Centre was nestled into a hillside surrounded by a vast forest and green hills. I could see the top of the Pagoda (Temple) and it looked so enchanting. I was so excited and happy to be here and I could not wait to get started.
There was a few people already there some Indians and one or two westerners. Everyone looked a little nervous and again nobody really knew what was happening so I just sat down under a tree with Deepa and her family. I fell in love with her father from that 1st day, he was so charming, he could speak a very small amount of English but it didn't matter he had such a wonderful energy about him that I just loved watching him, he was always laughing and his laugh was amazing a real happy funny laugh filled with love. I felt sad that I would not hear that laugh for 10 days I would miss it.
Deepa and I chatted away, she told me she was married it was her husband that had dropped her off earlier and she had 2 daughters who were 7 & 9. She said they had begged her not to go but she knew it was something she had to do. Her Father had done Vipassana 4 years ago and had inspired her to do it. Her Father was a Guru a spiritual teacher and had about 50 students and was building his own ashram. It was so interesting to talk to Deepa, I really felt so comfortable with her right from the start.
I told her about my family and all the fights and problems with my sister, how sometimes I am not allowed to see my niece and nephew for weeks because I am not a Christian and because I have other beliefs, my sister thinks that because I go to Buddhist temples and Krishna temples that I am evil and will influence my niece and nephew. I have been accused of being a witch, of mixing with the occult of worshiping the devil, well of all kinds of rubbish that just is not true.
I started crying and Deepa hugged me and I felt like I had known her for years. She asked me to go with her to her family home when we had finished the Vipassana course in 10 days. She said she wanted me to meet her daughters and stay with them. I was so touched, we had only met about an hour before and she was inviting me to her home. I said I would love to meet her daughters and so that was that I was going to go straight to her family home with her after Vipassana. I was so glad I had not made any plans or travel arrangement's in advance.
Deepa told me that the night before Vipassana she had dreamt that she would meet a western woman at Vipassana and would become close friends, she had told her Father about it the next morning and she said she knew when I smiled at her in the registration centre in town that it was me. That was overwhelming but I believed it, I know how these things happen theses dreams and coincidences and how people come together and here in India things like that happen all the time.
I told Deepa that I loved he pastel Punjabi suit and straight away she said "it is yours" I tried to argue with her and I was saying no, no I can't take it but she would hear none of it, she insisted that she would wash it that same day and it was mine all she wanted in return was that I accompanied her and her father and his student Madhu to her family home in Dehradun.
Eventually we were given hot sweet tea and were told to hand over our passports, valuables, telephones and all electrical appliances and writing material.
We all then went to watch a video to welcome us to the course and give us instruction to guide us through the next 10 days.
Mr S N Goenka is the teacher of Vipassana he was born in Burma but is of Indian decent. He practised Vipassana for 14 years and then travelled to India were he settled and has taught since 1969. Vipassana dates back thousands of years and was taught by The Enlightened one...The Buddha.
I adored Goenka as soon as I heard him speak. He is so cute, elderly with white hair, his eyes are almost shut and he has a big chapatti tummy.
The video was about 2 hours long and I was exhausted by the time it was finished but I now had more of an idea about what was expected of me.
We were to abstain from talking to each other for 10 days, we were not aloud to read anything to write anything or to communicate in any way with each other. We were allowed to talk with the teacher at certain times of the day but this was to be kept to a minimum. Also there were two female guides to look after the woman and two male guides to take care of the men and we could speak with them if we needed any help, extra cushions for meditation etc.
We were told that we were not allowed to kill anything, not an ant or a mosquito and we were not allowed to steal or take any type of intoxicant, no smoking, no drugs and we were not allowed to have sex. Well I thought what kind of holiday camp is this, I cant speak I cant get pissed and I cant get me bloody leg over.
I would have been out of there like a rat up a drain pipe back in the day but I was really looking forward to seeing how this all unfolded. I knew I would never steal anything and I would not be having sex for sure and I never kill anything and I don't smoke and haven't drank alcohol for months but the no talking was the thing that I was really interested to see how I got on with. Everyone that knows me knows my mouth is constantly in action I could talk a glass eye to sleep I just rattle on and on about all sorts of shite all the time. To be honest I felt exhausted with my own chatter, so God knows how everybody else feels.
I yearned to be still, to be quiet, to feel true peace and I really felt I would discover a way to those, through meditation.
We were told that as from the time the video finished we would be required not to talk until the 10th day. So we all made our way silently to our rooms. I was sharing with a German girl Madeline, we had met earlier in the day. It felt really nice to be silent I liked it, we were told to keep our heads down and not make eye contact so I tried my best. I had a shower and then went to bed. It felt strange to be in a room with someone and just be in silence, we just turned the light off and went to sleep. To be honest though I found it quite nice to not do the normal formalities of, "would you like the light on"" or "shall I turn it off now?'" "Goodnight sweet dreams" and all those other things we say that just fill every second of the day with chatter and thoughts.
Everyday in Vipassana starts at 4am. I was awake in the morning about 3.50am so as soon as the 4am bell rang I was out of bed and into a cold shower, well when I say shower I mean a bucket of cold water and a plastic jug to throw the freezing water over yourself. If that doesn't wake you up nothing will.
No one was talking they were just floating around in a dreamy silence in slow motion. some of them looked half a sleep and not impressed with the early morning bell being rang next to their ear by Auntie Hitler, our guide.
The first meditation of the day starts at 4.30am in the main meditation hall close to the Pagoda. We were all given our own cushion on the floor and were told that that would be our set for the duration of the course. Men and woman were separated and we were all sat in neat lines facing the teacher who sat facing us dressed in white wearing little round Gandhi style spectacles.
It all felt very strange, it was still dark outside and the mosquito's were nipping away at my hands and feet. A cassette was played, the recording was of Goenka and he instructed us and guided us through the morning meditation. So the teacher at the front did not speak a word he just pressed the buttons on the tape recorder and let Goenka do the work. The recording was in Hindi and in English. I loved the sound of Goenka's voice it was very deep and warm and smooth.
The recording started with Goenka doing some chanting. Of course I had no idea what it all meant but it was hypnotic and I found myself rocking and swaying slowly as I glided off into meditation. I have always found meditation a real struggle, my mind is so active with thoughts, memories fears and just the day to day hustle and bustle that collects there in our heads. I could feel the energy in the room and it felt especially strong when Goenka chanted. Sometimes I would feel completely light as though I had left my body and it felt wonderful and then sometimes I would loose it completely the blissful feeling would go because my mind would wander. I would be thinking some ridiculous thought and then snap back to were I was supposed to be realising I was supposed to be concentrating on my breathe. I could not help but open my eyes when my mind had wondered I wanted to see what everybody else was doing. Some were sat up as straight as Buddha like they had a poker up their arse, where as others were sitting with legs stretched out in front of them already in agony.
I noticed that Deepa was on the row behind to my left, she was sitting very still and had a real look of peace on her face. I glanced over to the other side of the hall were the men were sat, I cold see Deepa's father he was deep in meditation and was rocking very slowly back and forth. I was glad that someone else was rocking I don't know why I do that when I meditate but as soon as I close my eyes I start to rock backwards and forwards. I can imagine I must look like a raving lunatic.
There was about 100 students in the hall and a quick glance I could only see about 20 westerners the rest were Indian and there was one Japanese girl in the front row. By what I could see it was the westerners that seemed to be in the most discomfort. The Indians were sat crossed legged meditating away peacefully but the westerners were crossing and un crossing there legs. It is just not normal for us to sit so long crossed legged on the floor. In the west our arses are forced into chairs as soon as we can sit but Indians always sit on the floor crossed legged or they crouch down sitting on their haunches.
I could see overweight woman that looked in their sixties sitting crossed legged quite comfortably. I mean how many fat 60 year olds do you know in England that can sit on a stone floor with their legs crossed for 2 hours and if they did they wouldn't be able to get up after. You would have to get the fire brigade to get their fat arses up out of there.
The morning session lasted for 2 hours. We were told to just sit as still as we could, eyes closed, legs crossed, hands still and to concentrate on our respiration. Just to observe it going in and out through our nose. It was hard. I could feel that I was definitively more settled than I usually am in meditation but 2 hours of observing the area at the front of your nose is harder than it sounds. Goenka told us not to analyse it, not to challenge it just to observe to feel the air coming in and to notice which nostril it comes in, maybe one maybe both and then to feel it coming out, the warmth of it on our lip. To be honest I really could have coped with that but my hips were really starting to hurt. I was fidgeting around and by the end of the 2 hours so were even the Indian students. As soon as it was 6.30am we were up and out of there, you could feel the relief hanging in the air.
Breakfast was served at 6.30am and there was a rush for the canteen. One Indian lady pushed straight past be and almost broke into a sprint to be the first through the door.
I don't want to be rude but there were some big fat Indian asses in that room. Every single Indian woman that looked over 40 was obese. I have never seen people eat so much, they were going up for seconds and thirds and I thought for God sake how the hell are you going to concentrate on meditation when your poor body is trying to digest that mountain of food. The food was strictly vegetarian and it was wonderful, fresh organic vegetables and fruit and whole grains I thought that some of theses woman should use this opportunity to loose some of their bulk, I mean we were going to be sitting on our arses for 10 days so we really didn't need to eat much at all. There was no coffee allowed no garlic or chili or onion which are stimulants which can make it hard to meditate but I really think that one serving of food per person should have been enforced. We were there to learn self control and these woman were stuffing their faces like old sows
We had an hour an a half for breakfast and then we were back in to the meditation hall from 8 o'clock until 11am. This was agony for me. Again we were told to observe the breath but all I could observe was the pain in my hips. It felt like I had daggers stabbing through my flesh and crunching into the bone. I was in so much pain and when I looked around to check that I was not the only twat that was not sat bolt up straight like the Buddha I could see 4 of the western woman had moved to the back of the hall to sit against the wall. Some of the men had also moved back. I was determined not to sit against the wall. I was in agony yes but I wanted to face what ever Vipassana dealt me with courage so I just sat it out. I tried to stay as still as I could but there were times when I just had to stretch out my legs just to get the blood flowing again and then I would cross them again.
When that session was finished I limped out of the hall in agony and really had to fight back the tears because I did not know how the hell I was going to sit through the afternoon session that was from 1pm until 5pm.
I had my lunch and again watched the Indian lady's piling food on their plates and instead of just taking one piece of fruit they would take 2 or three and they always took 2 or three chapatti's. It made me feel sick to watch them to be honest, there is one thing I hate and that is greed, it is a horrible thing to witness, that look of greed in someones eyes.
When I returned to my room for a much needed shower and rest Auntie Hitler one of the guides was already there waiting for me, she told me that Madeline and myself would have to move rooms. Of course I could not speak I just nodded my head but I was fuming, I did not want to move, I had made my room all pretty, put my mosquito net up and all my family photos and pretty scarves and Rollie was on the bed settled but I didn't have much bloody choice I could have hardly told her to feck off could I?.
She then went on to tell me that the two Indian woman did not want to share "their room" with a western girl and would we move in with her so the two Indian woman could be alone in my room. I was furious, the cheeky bitches I thought. If I was allowed to talk I would have had a few words to say on the matter but I couldn't, so I went into my room and packed my bag and started to move.
Looking back I handled the situation terribly.
When I walked into the room in which I was now to stay in the two Indian woman were in there talking which pissed me off even more. We were all supposed to be being quiet and Auntie Hitler had just bent my ear about moving rooms and now these two prejudice bitches were chewing the fat in my new room. So absolutely furious and close to exploding I slammed my bag down and they both looked up in surprise and I started banging things around and throwing their dirty bed sheets out the door. No words were used but they didn't need to be, I'm quite sure they knew exactly how I felt about what had happened, They probably thought that this crazy western woman was going to through them also out of the door after the dirty bedsheets, I was tempted I can tell you, they were out of that room so fast there was sparks coming off their saris.
Before I started Vipassana I promised myself that I would accept whatever I was asked to do with good grace and integrity. I was determined to not allow my ego to rule my senses and I had failed miserably on the first day. Yes the Indian ladies were wrong to refuse to share a room with a western woman but that was their own business, their eventual Karma, their lesson to learn. I should have just accepted my fate with good grace and should have just moved silently and with peace and compassion, but no I had been angry and resentful and now I had created bad karma for myself, bad thoughts that lead to bad emotions and I know how all of that poisons the soul. Yes I had agreed to move but really if you only do something because you have to but you do it with anger and hate then really you have not done a good deed at all. I promised myself that I would not fail the next challenge as I was sure there would be many more throughout these 10 days.
TO BE CONTINUED
Mr S N Goenka is the teacher of Vipassana he was born in Burma but is of Indian decent. He practised Vipassana for 14 years and then travelled to India were he settled and has taught since 1969. Vipassana dates back thousands of years and was taught by The Enlightened one...The Buddha.
I adored Goenka as soon as I heard him speak. He is so cute, elderly with white hair, his eyes are almost shut and he has a big chapatti tummy.
The video was about 2 hours long and I was exhausted by the time it was finished but I now had more of an idea about what was expected of me.
We were to abstain from talking to each other for 10 days, we were not aloud to read anything to write anything or to communicate in any way with each other. We were allowed to talk with the teacher at certain times of the day but this was to be kept to a minimum. Also there were two female guides to look after the woman and two male guides to take care of the men and we could speak with them if we needed any help, extra cushions for meditation etc.
We were told that we were not allowed to kill anything, not an ant or a mosquito and we were not allowed to steal or take any type of intoxicant, no smoking, no drugs and we were not allowed to have sex. Well I thought what kind of holiday camp is this, I cant speak I cant get pissed and I cant get me bloody leg over.
I would have been out of there like a rat up a drain pipe back in the day but I was really looking forward to seeing how this all unfolded. I knew I would never steal anything and I would not be having sex for sure and I never kill anything and I don't smoke and haven't drank alcohol for months but the no talking was the thing that I was really interested to see how I got on with. Everyone that knows me knows my mouth is constantly in action I could talk a glass eye to sleep I just rattle on and on about all sorts of shite all the time. To be honest I felt exhausted with my own chatter, so God knows how everybody else feels.
I yearned to be still, to be quiet, to feel true peace and I really felt I would discover a way to those, through meditation.
We were told that as from the time the video finished we would be required not to talk until the 10th day. So we all made our way silently to our rooms. I was sharing with a German girl Madeline, we had met earlier in the day. It felt really nice to be silent I liked it, we were told to keep our heads down and not make eye contact so I tried my best. I had a shower and then went to bed. It felt strange to be in a room with someone and just be in silence, we just turned the light off and went to sleep. To be honest though I found it quite nice to not do the normal formalities of, "would you like the light on"" or "shall I turn it off now?'" "Goodnight sweet dreams" and all those other things we say that just fill every second of the day with chatter and thoughts.
Everyday in Vipassana starts at 4am. I was awake in the morning about 3.50am so as soon as the 4am bell rang I was out of bed and into a cold shower, well when I say shower I mean a bucket of cold water and a plastic jug to throw the freezing water over yourself. If that doesn't wake you up nothing will.
No one was talking they were just floating around in a dreamy silence in slow motion. some of them looked half a sleep and not impressed with the early morning bell being rang next to their ear by Auntie Hitler, our guide.
The first meditation of the day starts at 4.30am in the main meditation hall close to the Pagoda. We were all given our own cushion on the floor and were told that that would be our set for the duration of the course. Men and woman were separated and we were all sat in neat lines facing the teacher who sat facing us dressed in white wearing little round Gandhi style spectacles.
It all felt very strange, it was still dark outside and the mosquito's were nipping away at my hands and feet. A cassette was played, the recording was of Goenka and he instructed us and guided us through the morning meditation. So the teacher at the front did not speak a word he just pressed the buttons on the tape recorder and let Goenka do the work. The recording was in Hindi and in English. I loved the sound of Goenka's voice it was very deep and warm and smooth.
The recording started with Goenka doing some chanting. Of course I had no idea what it all meant but it was hypnotic and I found myself rocking and swaying slowly as I glided off into meditation. I have always found meditation a real struggle, my mind is so active with thoughts, memories fears and just the day to day hustle and bustle that collects there in our heads. I could feel the energy in the room and it felt especially strong when Goenka chanted. Sometimes I would feel completely light as though I had left my body and it felt wonderful and then sometimes I would loose it completely the blissful feeling would go because my mind would wander. I would be thinking some ridiculous thought and then snap back to were I was supposed to be realising I was supposed to be concentrating on my breathe. I could not help but open my eyes when my mind had wondered I wanted to see what everybody else was doing. Some were sat up as straight as Buddha like they had a poker up their arse, where as others were sitting with legs stretched out in front of them already in agony.
I noticed that Deepa was on the row behind to my left, she was sitting very still and had a real look of peace on her face. I glanced over to the other side of the hall were the men were sat, I cold see Deepa's father he was deep in meditation and was rocking very slowly back and forth. I was glad that someone else was rocking I don't know why I do that when I meditate but as soon as I close my eyes I start to rock backwards and forwards. I can imagine I must look like a raving lunatic.
There was about 100 students in the hall and a quick glance I could only see about 20 westerners the rest were Indian and there was one Japanese girl in the front row. By what I could see it was the westerners that seemed to be in the most discomfort. The Indians were sat crossed legged meditating away peacefully but the westerners were crossing and un crossing there legs. It is just not normal for us to sit so long crossed legged on the floor. In the west our arses are forced into chairs as soon as we can sit but Indians always sit on the floor crossed legged or they crouch down sitting on their haunches.
I could see overweight woman that looked in their sixties sitting crossed legged quite comfortably. I mean how many fat 60 year olds do you know in England that can sit on a stone floor with their legs crossed for 2 hours and if they did they wouldn't be able to get up after. You would have to get the fire brigade to get their fat arses up out of there.
The morning session lasted for 2 hours. We were told to just sit as still as we could, eyes closed, legs crossed, hands still and to concentrate on our respiration. Just to observe it going in and out through our nose. It was hard. I could feel that I was definitively more settled than I usually am in meditation but 2 hours of observing the area at the front of your nose is harder than it sounds. Goenka told us not to analyse it, not to challenge it just to observe to feel the air coming in and to notice which nostril it comes in, maybe one maybe both and then to feel it coming out, the warmth of it on our lip. To be honest I really could have coped with that but my hips were really starting to hurt. I was fidgeting around and by the end of the 2 hours so were even the Indian students. As soon as it was 6.30am we were up and out of there, you could feel the relief hanging in the air.
Breakfast was served at 6.30am and there was a rush for the canteen. One Indian lady pushed straight past be and almost broke into a sprint to be the first through the door.
I don't want to be rude but there were some big fat Indian asses in that room. Every single Indian woman that looked over 40 was obese. I have never seen people eat so much, they were going up for seconds and thirds and I thought for God sake how the hell are you going to concentrate on meditation when your poor body is trying to digest that mountain of food. The food was strictly vegetarian and it was wonderful, fresh organic vegetables and fruit and whole grains I thought that some of theses woman should use this opportunity to loose some of their bulk, I mean we were going to be sitting on our arses for 10 days so we really didn't need to eat much at all. There was no coffee allowed no garlic or chili or onion which are stimulants which can make it hard to meditate but I really think that one serving of food per person should have been enforced. We were there to learn self control and these woman were stuffing their faces like old sows
We had an hour an a half for breakfast and then we were back in to the meditation hall from 8 o'clock until 11am. This was agony for me. Again we were told to observe the breath but all I could observe was the pain in my hips. It felt like I had daggers stabbing through my flesh and crunching into the bone. I was in so much pain and when I looked around to check that I was not the only twat that was not sat bolt up straight like the Buddha I could see 4 of the western woman had moved to the back of the hall to sit against the wall. Some of the men had also moved back. I was determined not to sit against the wall. I was in agony yes but I wanted to face what ever Vipassana dealt me with courage so I just sat it out. I tried to stay as still as I could but there were times when I just had to stretch out my legs just to get the blood flowing again and then I would cross them again.
When that session was finished I limped out of the hall in agony and really had to fight back the tears because I did not know how the hell I was going to sit through the afternoon session that was from 1pm until 5pm.
I had my lunch and again watched the Indian lady's piling food on their plates and instead of just taking one piece of fruit they would take 2 or three and they always took 2 or three chapatti's. It made me feel sick to watch them to be honest, there is one thing I hate and that is greed, it is a horrible thing to witness, that look of greed in someones eyes.
When I returned to my room for a much needed shower and rest Auntie Hitler one of the guides was already there waiting for me, she told me that Madeline and myself would have to move rooms. Of course I could not speak I just nodded my head but I was fuming, I did not want to move, I had made my room all pretty, put my mosquito net up and all my family photos and pretty scarves and Rollie was on the bed settled but I didn't have much bloody choice I could have hardly told her to feck off could I?.
She then went on to tell me that the two Indian woman did not want to share "their room" with a western girl and would we move in with her so the two Indian woman could be alone in my room. I was furious, the cheeky bitches I thought. If I was allowed to talk I would have had a few words to say on the matter but I couldn't, so I went into my room and packed my bag and started to move.
Looking back I handled the situation terribly.
When I walked into the room in which I was now to stay in the two Indian woman were in there talking which pissed me off even more. We were all supposed to be being quiet and Auntie Hitler had just bent my ear about moving rooms and now these two prejudice bitches were chewing the fat in my new room. So absolutely furious and close to exploding I slammed my bag down and they both looked up in surprise and I started banging things around and throwing their dirty bed sheets out the door. No words were used but they didn't need to be, I'm quite sure they knew exactly how I felt about what had happened, They probably thought that this crazy western woman was going to through them also out of the door after the dirty bedsheets, I was tempted I can tell you, they were out of that room so fast there was sparks coming off their saris.
Before I started Vipassana I promised myself that I would accept whatever I was asked to do with good grace and integrity. I was determined to not allow my ego to rule my senses and I had failed miserably on the first day. Yes the Indian ladies were wrong to refuse to share a room with a western woman but that was their own business, their eventual Karma, their lesson to learn. I should have just accepted my fate with good grace and should have just moved silently and with peace and compassion, but no I had been angry and resentful and now I had created bad karma for myself, bad thoughts that lead to bad emotions and I know how all of that poisons the soul. Yes I had agreed to move but really if you only do something because you have to but you do it with anger and hate then really you have not done a good deed at all. I promised myself that I would not fail the next challenge as I was sure there would be many more throughout these 10 days.
TO BE CONTINUED
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