I stayed at the Sivananda Ashram for three and a half weeks.
There is so much to say, so much to share with you all.
I experienced so many emotions some good some bad and some horrific, I scrubbed toilets and floors on my knees, served food from buckets to hundreds of fellow yogis sat on the floor eating with their hands. Sweated like a Bombay dustman for hours on my yoga mat trying to perfect a head stand that didn't result in me flying through the air and landing on somebody else's mat across the hall, sang, chanted and praised God until I was blue in the face and cried over the excruciating pains in my hips that after years of action still did not want to open to allow me to sit comfortably crossed legged on the floor for longer than five minutes.
I watched people crumble under the stress of the schedule, some left after 2 days some 2 days before the end of the two week course and some jumped over the wall (honestly). So I think i will have to do this blogg in instalments and add to it every day, so I can do it justice because all in all Sivananda was an experience of a life time for me, it will stay with me forever and I hope I am a better person for it.
I was quite nervous as I walked into the reception of the Sivananda Ashram Kerala. I had never been to an ashram before. I didn't really know what I was in for but I knew I wanted to be there.
I had thought about spending time in an ashram for years. I wanted to be surrounded by people who were spiritual and interested in God and were living healthy lives full of prayer and peace and love and respect, all the things that my life had been lacking as for years I had surrounded myself with party people, people I could get drunk with get high with who made me feel it was normal to go through life in a haze of oblivion.
I wanted to learn to meditate properly and to control my mind and senses that were usually running a mock and to find peace within the craziness of my life and I really thought that ashram life may be a good place to start.
I kind of thought that perhaps an ashram would be a bit like an Enigma video, mysterious figures with hooded cloaks floating silently around in the mist but as I looked around I could see that Sivananda was nothing like that it was vibrant and full of chatter and laughter.
As I waited to check in I watched a yoga class that was taking place in what I later came to know as the Shiva hall opposite the reception. I was thinking that these people must have been doing yoga for years because they had just done 10 rounds of sun salutations and now the whole class were standing on their heads and no one was falling over. There was about a hundred pairs of legs floating effortlessly towards the inviting heavens. I had never been able to do a headstand and I looked on enviously and considered making a run for it back down the stairs and back into the taxi and right there I made a promise to myself that before I left Sivananda I would be able to stand on my head.
I was told by the nice young girl on the reception with very bushy eyebrows that I thought was perhaps the height of ashram chic that the twin room I had booked would not be available for three days and I would have to spend three nights in the dormitory. I did not mind I just wanted to accept what ever was thrown at me and just to believe that everything that happened was meant to happen.
I was given two threadbare bed sheets a mosquito net full of holes and a pillow that looked like it had spent it's entire life under Oprah Winfrey's arse, but I was not going to complain, this was the beginning of a new life for me and I intended to be far more grateful for everything in it than I had been in the past and quite frankly if it was good enough for Oprah Winfrey's arse then it was good enough for my face.
I made my bed and hung up my holey mosquito net and started to un pack my back pack, its funny but when all you have in the world is what you have in your back pack it is so easy to set up home anywhere so quickly and when I think of all the clutter we surround ourselves with usually it seems ridiculous, wardrobes full of clothes and shoes we never wear and draws full of make up and toiletries just endless unnecessary stuff on top of endless unnecessary
stuff.
Other girls started to arrive and we all got chatting and telling our stories of were we were from and what brought us to the ashram and where we were off to next. The girl next to me was called Alla. Alla has that kind of stunning natural beauty that you just cant help but stare at. She is slim with graceful limbs and a slender neck that is accentuated by a short crop of chocolate curls and big brown innocent eyes that gaze out at you like a shy gazelle. Alla does everything gracefully, I could tell immediately that she was definitely not English. Every movement is slow and elegant, she speaks in a husky whisper and flutters her long eyelashes over her secretive eyes. I was thinking trust me to be in a bed next to you, where is the dawn french look alike put me in with her for God sake.
By the time we had all made our beds and showered the 5.50pm bell was rang to let us know that dinner would be served at 6pm. We made our way to the dining hall through the grounds of the ashram which was so beautiful. The ashram is surrounded by the magestic and incredibly beautiful Agastya mountain range and lush green hills and the land is full of papaya, mango, walnut and coconut trees and gardens full of brightly coloured tropical flowers that were being ravished by hundreds of busy butterflies.
Dinner was served by silent fellow ashramites from big metal buckets onto metal trays. we all sat crossed legged on the floor and a gentleman called joseph who I later christenend 'flexible Jo' due to the fact that he could bend and twist his body in to any yoga posture known to man sang the Krishna mantra and said a prayer and then we all tucked in.
The food was good, all vegetarian which of course is the healthiest way to eat and the chosen diet of the yogis. We had a mountain of rice and then about 4 different vegetable accompaniments, the strict ashram diet excluded onion, chilli and garlic as these are stimulates and make it difficult to meditate but the food was still tasty as it had been flavoured with herbs and lemon juice. I had eaten Indian style with my right hand before so I did ok but I could tell by the looks on some of the faces around me that this was their first encounter of the tradition and they were not too impressed. Cutlery was not allowed and neither were chairs so it was just a case of shut up and put up and get covered in chick pea curry like the rest of us.
We were told to eat in silence and was reminded by Ramesh a big hulk of a man in a lungi cloth pulled tightly over his tum when chatter arouse in the ranks.
I liked the way we chanted and prayed before we ate and hearing the Hare Krishna mantra made a shiver go down my spine. For some time I had been attracted to the Krishna conscience movement and to hear the mantra on my first day in the ashram I felt was a very significant sign. Eating in silence felt sacred and quite different to the eating experience in the west which is usually done in front of the tv with each fork full of plastic food fed into an overweight mouth whilst watching an episode of Coronation street. Eating in silence was a way to appreciate each mouthful and to allow the body to digest the food properly and not have to compromise its energy with a mouth that wouldn't stop yakking and a brain that was focused on Rita in the cabin.
We all washed our own metal tray and then floated back to the dorm. Alla had walked off a little in front and I came to realise that she likes to be alone, often I would see her just sat under one of the trees in the garden writing in her journal or just sitting there in a haze of serenity just gazing into the distance looking like a goddess while I blundered past feeling like an almighty heifer.
None of us knew what was going on really nobody tells you when you arrive they just give you a little ashram leaflet with the do's and don'ts like no drinking alcohol no smoking always cover legs and shoulders all that kind of stuff and a brief daily schedule. It said at 8pm it was 'Satsang' but none of us knew what that was and none of us knew were to go so we just followed the crowds that started to pour out of the dorm just before 8 after the ring of the heavy bell that was right outside the dorm, I'm not looking forward to hearing that beast at 5.20am I was thinking.
We entered the Shiva hall in complete darkness. There were rows and rows of bodies looking holy sat crossed legged facing a huge alter. I sat down crossed legged which was not comfortable as I was still aching from the 30mins sat crossed legged on the concrete floor in the dinning room and I hoped I wouldn't be adding bloody piles to my never ending list of anal ailments. Surely constant constipation was enough to be getting on with.
The hall started to fill up rapidly and as I snook glances around in the darkness I could see the calmness and peacefulness on all the faces around me. Peacefully sitting there eyes closed enjoying the 'inner stillness' I had been reading so much about and craved. I prayed there and then to God that I would feel that peace and serenity and would be able to sit crossed legged long enough to actually be able to meditate because it was my first evening and I was in bloody agony already. But if you think about it in the west as soon as we can sit up are back sides are forced into chairs, no one sits on the floor unless they are bladdered and can't stand for falling over so are legs and hips are just not used to it. especially being a woman, we are sat crossed legged most of the time trying to look thinner and sexier so sitting on a concrete floor with your hips open and your legs folded yogi style is no easy job I was beginning to wish I had had a few more hip opener evenings with my bit of ruff before leaving the uk.
Anyway enough of that filth.
At exactly 8pm according to the Shiva hall clock a microphone was switched on by a man in the darkness on the stage and aooooooooommmmmmm was bellowed out as if from the heavens raising me 2 foot off the concrete floor. This was proceeded by two more of the same accompanied by the two hundred or so crowd aooooming there way into oblivion. We were then guided into meditation by the mysterious figure from the stage, encouraging us to sit in a comfortable position, fat chance I was thinking, breath deeply, clear your mind and so on but once again I could not meditate for toffee. I could not switch off the constant chatter in my head and as soon as I was told to be still I fidgeted and scratched and wriggled. I was determined to get better at meditation and I was sure that 2 weeks in the ashram would give me a good start but I was just happy to sit in the darkness just watching the others and listening to the gentle sound of the evening floating into the night.
Then 3 more aooooooooms were thrown out into the crowd and all the blinding lights were viciously thrown on and what I came to learn was the ashram anthem, was sang from the depths of everyones souls right up to God in the heavens....Jaya Ganesha, Jaya Ganesha Jaya Ganesha Pahiman, Shree Ganesha Shree Ganesh Shree Ganesh rakshamam etc etc, which is a prayer sang to Ganesh the elephant headed Hindu God that helps to remove obsticles. I sang the only bit I could make out Jaya Ganesha Jaya Ganesha and prayed that Lord Ganesh would remove the agony in my western hips. It was sang at the top of everybody's voice into the blinding light of the Shiva Hall, I was rather embarrassed I was not expecting such a spectacle on my first evening I thought perhaps we would be broken in gently but I came to realise that there is no special treatment for new comers at Sivananda you are just expected to get on with it and get used to the ashrams way of doing things asap. There was a serious amount of clapping and rocking and tambourine bashing going on and I was grateful I was at the back and could hide my embarrassment behind my hair.
Us British are a right up tight lot and the only time we really let ourselves go is when we are ten sheets to the wind on some dodgey dance floor decorated with handbags so being in the middle of all this singing and praising the Lord was heavy duty stuff. More songs were sang and the misterious figure on the stage introduced himself to be the director of the ashram and informed all new yoga vacation guests as we were called that we would be attending a welcome style meeting the following morning to let us know what was going on.
We all stood after an hour and a half of meditation, chanting and prayer to sing Arati, this is the closing prayer that is done at the end of Satsang every morning and evening and it came to be my favourite not that it signalled the end and a near escape but because it was so beautiful and I was mesmerised from the first time I heard it.
A gentle bell was continuously rang and a lungi wearing man preformed the ceremony at the alter. A man wearing a lungi is a ceramony in it's self. I never thought I would like a man in a skirt because men in kilts make me feel ill with their white hairy legs and tartan but the chocolate coloured toned thighs I was seeing flashing around in India was a hole differeent ball game. Anyway camphor was burnt in a brass looking bowl and the smoke was wafted gently towards the statues of the ashrams Gurus, Sivananda and his disciple Vishnu Devananda and the other deity's, Shiva, Hanumanta and Ganesha. It was beautiful and I felt so emotional a tear ran down my cheek, everyone was stood with their hands together in prayer and I could feel the energy of love surrounding me and it felt good.
Prasad was offered after Arati which is a sacred food usually some fruit or some kind of sweet so we all waited in turn to receive this delight and then we helped to roll the straw mats collect the chant books and made our way back to our rooms or dorms.
We were told not to talk after Arati but back in the dorm it was like a hen-do weekend in Benidorm, girls were running around with their boobs out whacking each others arses with towels. One girl was on her mobile to her boyfriend which was strictly not allowed as all mobiles had to be handed in or switched off and everyone else was gassing away about all sorts nonsense. The only girl who was quiet was the adorable Polish angel Alla she just sat on the edge of her bed undressing slowly and showing even more delcate tanned beautiful skin that glowed with purity.
I was glad I was in the dorm in the middle of all of this chatter really as I think I may have been a little lonely if it was complete silence in a room on my own on my first night. Sometimes I have a little cry on my first night somewhere new which is silly I know when you are 37years old and have spent your life travelling around the globe and have had hundreds of first nights in hundreds of places I mean what a waste of tears in this current climet of being green and environmentally friendly but Rollie was under my arm and having him with me for the last 30yrs gave me instant comfort and I put my ear plugs in and I thanked God for my first few hours at the Sivananda Ashram and I was so looking forward to the next morning.
There is so much to say, so much to share with you all.
I experienced so many emotions some good some bad and some horrific, I scrubbed toilets and floors on my knees, served food from buckets to hundreds of fellow yogis sat on the floor eating with their hands. Sweated like a Bombay dustman for hours on my yoga mat trying to perfect a head stand that didn't result in me flying through the air and landing on somebody else's mat across the hall, sang, chanted and praised God until I was blue in the face and cried over the excruciating pains in my hips that after years of action still did not want to open to allow me to sit comfortably crossed legged on the floor for longer than five minutes.
I watched people crumble under the stress of the schedule, some left after 2 days some 2 days before the end of the two week course and some jumped over the wall (honestly). So I think i will have to do this blogg in instalments and add to it every day, so I can do it justice because all in all Sivananda was an experience of a life time for me, it will stay with me forever and I hope I am a better person for it.
I was quite nervous as I walked into the reception of the Sivananda Ashram Kerala. I had never been to an ashram before. I didn't really know what I was in for but I knew I wanted to be there.
I had thought about spending time in an ashram for years. I wanted to be surrounded by people who were spiritual and interested in God and were living healthy lives full of prayer and peace and love and respect, all the things that my life had been lacking as for years I had surrounded myself with party people, people I could get drunk with get high with who made me feel it was normal to go through life in a haze of oblivion.
I wanted to learn to meditate properly and to control my mind and senses that were usually running a mock and to find peace within the craziness of my life and I really thought that ashram life may be a good place to start.
I kind of thought that perhaps an ashram would be a bit like an Enigma video, mysterious figures with hooded cloaks floating silently around in the mist but as I looked around I could see that Sivananda was nothing like that it was vibrant and full of chatter and laughter.
As I waited to check in I watched a yoga class that was taking place in what I later came to know as the Shiva hall opposite the reception. I was thinking that these people must have been doing yoga for years because they had just done 10 rounds of sun salutations and now the whole class were standing on their heads and no one was falling over. There was about a hundred pairs of legs floating effortlessly towards the inviting heavens. I had never been able to do a headstand and I looked on enviously and considered making a run for it back down the stairs and back into the taxi and right there I made a promise to myself that before I left Sivananda I would be able to stand on my head.
I was told by the nice young girl on the reception with very bushy eyebrows that I thought was perhaps the height of ashram chic that the twin room I had booked would not be available for three days and I would have to spend three nights in the dormitory. I did not mind I just wanted to accept what ever was thrown at me and just to believe that everything that happened was meant to happen.
I was given two threadbare bed sheets a mosquito net full of holes and a pillow that looked like it had spent it's entire life under Oprah Winfrey's arse, but I was not going to complain, this was the beginning of a new life for me and I intended to be far more grateful for everything in it than I had been in the past and quite frankly if it was good enough for Oprah Winfrey's arse then it was good enough for my face.
I made my bed and hung up my holey mosquito net and started to un pack my back pack, its funny but when all you have in the world is what you have in your back pack it is so easy to set up home anywhere so quickly and when I think of all the clutter we surround ourselves with usually it seems ridiculous, wardrobes full of clothes and shoes we never wear and draws full of make up and toiletries just endless unnecessary stuff on top of endless unnecessary
stuff.
Other girls started to arrive and we all got chatting and telling our stories of were we were from and what brought us to the ashram and where we were off to next. The girl next to me was called Alla. Alla has that kind of stunning natural beauty that you just cant help but stare at. She is slim with graceful limbs and a slender neck that is accentuated by a short crop of chocolate curls and big brown innocent eyes that gaze out at you like a shy gazelle. Alla does everything gracefully, I could tell immediately that she was definitely not English. Every movement is slow and elegant, she speaks in a husky whisper and flutters her long eyelashes over her secretive eyes. I was thinking trust me to be in a bed next to you, where is the dawn french look alike put me in with her for God sake.
By the time we had all made our beds and showered the 5.50pm bell was rang to let us know that dinner would be served at 6pm. We made our way to the dining hall through the grounds of the ashram which was so beautiful. The ashram is surrounded by the magestic and incredibly beautiful Agastya mountain range and lush green hills and the land is full of papaya, mango, walnut and coconut trees and gardens full of brightly coloured tropical flowers that were being ravished by hundreds of busy butterflies.
Dinner was served by silent fellow ashramites from big metal buckets onto metal trays. we all sat crossed legged on the floor and a gentleman called joseph who I later christenend 'flexible Jo' due to the fact that he could bend and twist his body in to any yoga posture known to man sang the Krishna mantra and said a prayer and then we all tucked in.
The food was good, all vegetarian which of course is the healthiest way to eat and the chosen diet of the yogis. We had a mountain of rice and then about 4 different vegetable accompaniments, the strict ashram diet excluded onion, chilli and garlic as these are stimulates and make it difficult to meditate but the food was still tasty as it had been flavoured with herbs and lemon juice. I had eaten Indian style with my right hand before so I did ok but I could tell by the looks on some of the faces around me that this was their first encounter of the tradition and they were not too impressed. Cutlery was not allowed and neither were chairs so it was just a case of shut up and put up and get covered in chick pea curry like the rest of us.
We were told to eat in silence and was reminded by Ramesh a big hulk of a man in a lungi cloth pulled tightly over his tum when chatter arouse in the ranks.
I liked the way we chanted and prayed before we ate and hearing the Hare Krishna mantra made a shiver go down my spine. For some time I had been attracted to the Krishna conscience movement and to hear the mantra on my first day in the ashram I felt was a very significant sign. Eating in silence felt sacred and quite different to the eating experience in the west which is usually done in front of the tv with each fork full of plastic food fed into an overweight mouth whilst watching an episode of Coronation street. Eating in silence was a way to appreciate each mouthful and to allow the body to digest the food properly and not have to compromise its energy with a mouth that wouldn't stop yakking and a brain that was focused on Rita in the cabin.
We all washed our own metal tray and then floated back to the dorm. Alla had walked off a little in front and I came to realise that she likes to be alone, often I would see her just sat under one of the trees in the garden writing in her journal or just sitting there in a haze of serenity just gazing into the distance looking like a goddess while I blundered past feeling like an almighty heifer.
None of us knew what was going on really nobody tells you when you arrive they just give you a little ashram leaflet with the do's and don'ts like no drinking alcohol no smoking always cover legs and shoulders all that kind of stuff and a brief daily schedule. It said at 8pm it was 'Satsang' but none of us knew what that was and none of us knew were to go so we just followed the crowds that started to pour out of the dorm just before 8 after the ring of the heavy bell that was right outside the dorm, I'm not looking forward to hearing that beast at 5.20am I was thinking.
We entered the Shiva hall in complete darkness. There were rows and rows of bodies looking holy sat crossed legged facing a huge alter. I sat down crossed legged which was not comfortable as I was still aching from the 30mins sat crossed legged on the concrete floor in the dinning room and I hoped I wouldn't be adding bloody piles to my never ending list of anal ailments. Surely constant constipation was enough to be getting on with.
The hall started to fill up rapidly and as I snook glances around in the darkness I could see the calmness and peacefulness on all the faces around me. Peacefully sitting there eyes closed enjoying the 'inner stillness' I had been reading so much about and craved. I prayed there and then to God that I would feel that peace and serenity and would be able to sit crossed legged long enough to actually be able to meditate because it was my first evening and I was in bloody agony already. But if you think about it in the west as soon as we can sit up are back sides are forced into chairs, no one sits on the floor unless they are bladdered and can't stand for falling over so are legs and hips are just not used to it. especially being a woman, we are sat crossed legged most of the time trying to look thinner and sexier so sitting on a concrete floor with your hips open and your legs folded yogi style is no easy job I was beginning to wish I had had a few more hip opener evenings with my bit of ruff before leaving the uk.
Anyway enough of that filth.
At exactly 8pm according to the Shiva hall clock a microphone was switched on by a man in the darkness on the stage and aooooooooommmmmmm was bellowed out as if from the heavens raising me 2 foot off the concrete floor. This was proceeded by two more of the same accompanied by the two hundred or so crowd aooooming there way into oblivion. We were then guided into meditation by the mysterious figure from the stage, encouraging us to sit in a comfortable position, fat chance I was thinking, breath deeply, clear your mind and so on but once again I could not meditate for toffee. I could not switch off the constant chatter in my head and as soon as I was told to be still I fidgeted and scratched and wriggled. I was determined to get better at meditation and I was sure that 2 weeks in the ashram would give me a good start but I was just happy to sit in the darkness just watching the others and listening to the gentle sound of the evening floating into the night.
Then 3 more aooooooooms were thrown out into the crowd and all the blinding lights were viciously thrown on and what I came to learn was the ashram anthem, was sang from the depths of everyones souls right up to God in the heavens....Jaya Ganesha, Jaya Ganesha Jaya Ganesha Pahiman, Shree Ganesha Shree Ganesh Shree Ganesh rakshamam etc etc, which is a prayer sang to Ganesh the elephant headed Hindu God that helps to remove obsticles. I sang the only bit I could make out Jaya Ganesha Jaya Ganesha and prayed that Lord Ganesh would remove the agony in my western hips. It was sang at the top of everybody's voice into the blinding light of the Shiva Hall, I was rather embarrassed I was not expecting such a spectacle on my first evening I thought perhaps we would be broken in gently but I came to realise that there is no special treatment for new comers at Sivananda you are just expected to get on with it and get used to the ashrams way of doing things asap. There was a serious amount of clapping and rocking and tambourine bashing going on and I was grateful I was at the back and could hide my embarrassment behind my hair.
Us British are a right up tight lot and the only time we really let ourselves go is when we are ten sheets to the wind on some dodgey dance floor decorated with handbags so being in the middle of all this singing and praising the Lord was heavy duty stuff. More songs were sang and the misterious figure on the stage introduced himself to be the director of the ashram and informed all new yoga vacation guests as we were called that we would be attending a welcome style meeting the following morning to let us know what was going on.
We all stood after an hour and a half of meditation, chanting and prayer to sing Arati, this is the closing prayer that is done at the end of Satsang every morning and evening and it came to be my favourite not that it signalled the end and a near escape but because it was so beautiful and I was mesmerised from the first time I heard it.
A gentle bell was continuously rang and a lungi wearing man preformed the ceremony at the alter. A man wearing a lungi is a ceramony in it's self. I never thought I would like a man in a skirt because men in kilts make me feel ill with their white hairy legs and tartan but the chocolate coloured toned thighs I was seeing flashing around in India was a hole differeent ball game. Anyway camphor was burnt in a brass looking bowl and the smoke was wafted gently towards the statues of the ashrams Gurus, Sivananda and his disciple Vishnu Devananda and the other deity's, Shiva, Hanumanta and Ganesha. It was beautiful and I felt so emotional a tear ran down my cheek, everyone was stood with their hands together in prayer and I could feel the energy of love surrounding me and it felt good.
Prasad was offered after Arati which is a sacred food usually some fruit or some kind of sweet so we all waited in turn to receive this delight and then we helped to roll the straw mats collect the chant books and made our way back to our rooms or dorms.
We were told not to talk after Arati but back in the dorm it was like a hen-do weekend in Benidorm, girls were running around with their boobs out whacking each others arses with towels. One girl was on her mobile to her boyfriend which was strictly not allowed as all mobiles had to be handed in or switched off and everyone else was gassing away about all sorts nonsense. The only girl who was quiet was the adorable Polish angel Alla she just sat on the edge of her bed undressing slowly and showing even more delcate tanned beautiful skin that glowed with purity.
I was glad I was in the dorm in the middle of all of this chatter really as I think I may have been a little lonely if it was complete silence in a room on my own on my first night. Sometimes I have a little cry on my first night somewhere new which is silly I know when you are 37years old and have spent your life travelling around the globe and have had hundreds of first nights in hundreds of places I mean what a waste of tears in this current climet of being green and environmentally friendly but Rollie was under my arm and having him with me for the last 30yrs gave me instant comfort and I put my ear plugs in and I thanked God for my first few hours at the Sivananda Ashram and I was so looking forward to the next morning.
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