Well I have been in wonderful Rishikesh for a month and I love it.
I really could settle here forever and if I hadn't had a nod from God to get my arse back to Brighton I probably would.
Rishikesh has become like a home for me. I know I could have seen so much of India in the last month, I could have gone to Rajasthan as planned or the Punjab to see the Golden Temple but I feel so settled here and I feel at peace.
I remember before leaving England I was so stressed and unhappy and dealing with the same old family problems and I remember praying to God for Peace. I just asked for a place where I could really feel peace and here I have found that.
I am walking around with a total sense of gratitude because my life is so peaceful. I don't argue with anyone because nobody wants to argue, I am left alone to do what I want, no one questions me or dictates to me and I realise that even though I love my family very much certain relationships are not good for me, all they bring me is hurt and stress. I really don't know what to do about that because your family is your family and I love them unconditionally but if being around certain members of that family causes you constant pain then what do you do?
I have tried over and over again to make things work but it always ends up the same, but we shall see maybe things can evolve and change or maybe it will always be the same and I will learn to except that, but just stay away from it.
So tomorrow I am off to Varanasi, also known as Banaras. I am so looking forward to visiting the city of Varanasi. It is one of the oldest City's in the world maintaining it's religious life since the sixth century BC. I know it will be intense, everyone I have told that I'm going has kind of pulled back and whistled smiling with a "wow prepare yourself for the onslaught" kind of look. I know it will be scorching, I have chosen the hottest time of year to visit it but I didn't come to India expecting it to be cold so I am prepared to sweat my tits off. Also I know it is the busiest time also to visit because the Indian holidays start on the exact day I leave Rishikesh for my 19hr train journey, but for some reason all of those what could be seen as unfortunate aspects of my trip and timing have occurred together so I am just going to go with it and accept that for some reason this is the time I am supposed to be there.
Varanasi was always top of my list for places to see in India. It is known as The City of Light and was founded by Shiva. It stretches along the river Ganges and is visited daily by thousands of Hindu pilgrims that come to bathe in the water there.
Buddha also visited Varanasi and Mahavira the founder of the Jain faith and the great Hindu reformer Shankara so visiting there for me really is such a gift
I will be staying close to the river Ganges, close to one of the burning Ghats. The Ghats are the stone steps were people come to sit and meditate and prey and do yoga and of course to bathe. I will not be joining the bathers in the water there as I have been warned that more than likely I will see dead donkeys and dead human corpses floating past covered in poo and the thought of having a dead body banging up against me mid breast stroke is more than I can handle. Anyway I have swam here in Rishikesh were the water is fresh on it's journey south coming straight from the Himalaya's.
I could only get a one way ticket to Varanasi so I have no idea how I will get back or when, so I have paid for my room here in Rishikesh up until the 27th May so there is no rush. Again I believe there is a reason I cant get a return ticket and when I get there that will be revealed to me.
Hindu's believe that if you die in Varanasi you obtain instant enlightenment so may elderly people and widows come to Varanasi to live out there final days and then go straight to God gaining instant enlightenment and removing themselves from the continual pain of re-birth and death. I bloody hope that is not why I haven't been able to buy a train ticket back to Rishikesh. Maybe God thinks that old spinster has done enough damage get her up here quick the old trout before she does anymore!!!
I am still doing my yoga every day and I love it. I am going to the Sivananda ashram everyday. The yoga teacher is a bit strange but I know the sequence after being at Sivananda in Kerala and I really like Sivananda yoga. Also it is an all female class which means that there are no pervy men at the back of the class gawping at your crotch from that very attractive position whilst you bend over touching your toes.
Now when I say the teacher is a bit strange I would like to add that I initially thought that but I have actually grown to like her over the last few lessons and I feel a bit nasty for judging her so harshly.
She is Japanese and is actually a Swami (Priest) and has been there for years. Her head is shaved smooth like a pomegranate and she wears the pinkie orange cloth of a member of the religious order.
My first class to be honest I could have walked out of because I couldn't hear a bloody word. Two other woman did in fact walk out half way through but feeling that would be incredibly rude I just stayed. The thing is she mumbles, she talks so incredibly quietly and of course she is speaking English with a Japanese accent so with all of those things working together it is very hard to understand a pissin word.
I did put my hand behind my ear and mouthe to her twice that I could not hear her but I may as well have told the man in the bloody moon because her face stayed as miserable as before not a glimmer of recognition crossed her serious hard features and she just carried on mumbling away at the same volume.
I could see the blank expressions on other woman's faces as they struggled also to understand what the hell she was telling us to do so in the end we just gave up and watched the woman that had obviously been going for some time.
At one point I was lying on my back with my legs over my head and she was telling us to do something and because my knees were either side of my head covering my ears I had no idea at all what she was saying and then I heard these fast footsteps filled with anger heading in my direction and I had visions of a crazed Japanese woman in flowing robes running towards me with a samurai sword ready to cut me from arse hole to cake hole because I was in the wrong position. She yanked my hands from behind my head and pushed them up between my legs in a very humbling position that I had never seen before and believe me in my very colourful life and various orgy's I would have thought I had seen the lot.
I found it so strange that someone so quiet and peaceful could be so angry and forceful when she was adjusting someone in the middle of an Asana (yoga position).
Then when I was in a headstand again I heard the fast angry feet heading in my direction and I started to tremble and sway with fear, what the fuck is she going to do to me when I am stood on my bloody head I thought. "Relax, Relax" she bellowed into my thighs whilst prodding them with her long bony finger. How the bloody hell can you relax when some crazed frustrated Jap is prodding you in the thigh when you are standing on your head.
I decided to myself that she had been in that Ashram for far to long and she was well over due for a good shag!!!!
Anyway I kept going back because for some unknown reason I wanted to and as the days passed I grew to like her. Some days there would be children in our class and that was the first time I saw her smile and it was a beautiful smile that lifted all the harshness and smoothed out all the creases and made her eyes twinkle. I then felt really bad for judging her and I thought how incredible it was that a woman had given up her desires for a family & children when obviously she loved children, for her love for God. A life of renunciation I could imagine is not easy and I gained a real respect for her and admiration.
I had promised I would be celibate for my time in India and only 3 months in I was tripping the light fandango with a boy toy from Nepal.
After one class I was leaving and walking down the stairs and she came up to me and asked me where I was from, she then went on to tell me to consider trainning to be a yoga teacher which I was shocked at. She had never told me I was good at anything or given me any encouragement, she had just continued barking at me and yanking me and prodding me into positions class after class. I could have cried with emotion when I looked into her eyes they were filled with peace and serenity and I realised that how she worked was completely ignoring the ego, she was not trying to make you feel good or tell you you were great she was there to teach you yoga and to leave your ego at the door and I was glad I realised that and that I understood her.
As for training to be a yoga teacher, who knows, my life is always full of surprises and yoga is defiantly something I love to do and India would be a great place to train so maybe.
I leave India in July but will return after a few months so maybe then I will do the teacher training course maybe at Sivananda in Kerala.
I know for sure that seeds are planted to make trees grow and I could see in the deep brown pools of that Japanese Swami's eyes that there was great wisdom and I'm also sure her words although few and almost silent were completely sincere and she had planted that seed for a very good reason.
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