To be honest with you since I have been in India I have been a right anti social twat and I have loved every bloody minute of it.
I am so so enjoying the solitude and I am so happy to be traveling alone.
When I went back packing around South East Asia in 2009 on my own I was dying to meet people. I remember arriving in Kho Pagnan Thailand. I was dying to party and have some fun so I put my back pack into my little beach hut and wandered off to the beach bar.
On route I walked past a guy in a hammock outside his hut so I asked him if he fancied a beer that I was off to the bar to get myself one and I would gladly fetch one for his fine self. He said yes. well that as they say was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
That was how I met Mike from California he is a great guy and we spent about a week hanging out together on Kho Pagnan. We would chill out outside his bungalow in the hammocks drinking beer and getting stoned happy days. Also there was Patrick from Germany and some other dude from Austria I think but I cant really recall his name. We had some great times and one night we all did a mushroom shake. I had never had mushrooms before so I was a bit worried in case I thought I was a bird and tried to fly off things but it was great, we had such a great evening. We all sat on the beach in deck chairs looking up at the stars off our tits and there was hundreds of falling stars or at least I think there was.
I was wearing a long skirt that was decorated in sequins and little mirrors and the boys kept asking me to dance around and around because they were tripping off the reflection of the stars shinning on the mirrors, so I obliged of course.
So yes in South east Asia I was dying for company and always up for a party but this trip really that has been the furthest thing from my mind.
I have not really mixed with any tourists, I haven't wanted to. When I sit and chill at night I sit with the Indian people I know. The waiters in the restaurants were I eat and the guys from my beach huts and of course little Sharhu from the beach shop.
The only person I spend anytime with apart form the locals is Britta. Britta is the lady I told you about in an earlier blog who has hair down to her waist and has a beautiful daughter with Afro curls and skin the colour of creamy coffee. Britta is super cool I really like her and Jamila is so cute. Britta is German and lives in Berlin, Jamila's daddy is from Tanzania in Africa he is Rastafarian, he is back in Berlin.
The three off us went off to Agonda the other day and we chill on the beach some days here in Palolem. Britta is right up my street she is a bit of a hippie chick and I love watching her with Jamila she is a wonderful mother and they really are great company. We laugh and play in the ocean and we have lunch together and share our food and Thursday nights are live music nights so we always sit around the fire on the beach singing along together.
Apart from them to be honest I have not really spoken to anyone . I know that might make me sound like a stuck up bitch but I don't want to sit around with people drinking beer and getting high because I know I will be tempted and I know once I start I will be back on that roller coaster and I wont be able to get off until it goes crashing at full speed into a wall and leaves me devastated, depressed and wrecked.
I have been in India for 3 weeks and sober now for almost a month and I feel great. The black clouds of depression have slowly lifted day after day and now each morning I see the beautiful sunrise and I feel peace in my heart.
On Saturday I am leaving Palolem and I am moving along the coast to Agonda. It is so peaceful and quiet there and pretty that I want to stay there for a few days before leaving Goa for Kerala. I love the little village and the little cafes and I am really drawn to the church there.
I will continue with my yoga as I have really got into it and I am getting stronger and more flexible everyday. I found a yoga teacher already in Agonda so I will start there as soon as I am settled.
I feel ready to leave Palolem now. I have loved it and it is a beautiful beach and I have some wonderful memories but 3 weeks is enough. That is another thing about being sober I remember everything. For years I have been walking around in a drunken haze, like I'm wearing somebody else s spectacles. I can never remember where I have been and what I have done after a night out drinking. Whole hours just disappear from my life. Maybe this is a survival mechanism because if I could remember I would have probably have thrown myself under the Victoria train to Brixton years ago.
So it has been great waking up everyday with a clear conscience and no regrets or shame to deal with and to be able to remember every second of every day, to be present in every moment of everyday.
The only negative things about my time in Palolem is the dogs.
There are hundreds of dogs in Goa and I would say about forty dogs maybe more live on the beach at Palolem. I love animals and especially dogs but these dogs are something else. I am sure they must originate from England because the daft twats sit around all day in the sun like the English people out in the mid day sun baking themselves to an oblivion.
They are the angriest dogs I have ever come across and it does not surprise me because as i said they are out in the hot sun all day. They are fighting each other every five minutes and pulling each other to bits.
I was trying to enjoy my organic muesli the other day and there was ears and tails flying everywhere. I saw a dog today with no tail were it had been ripped off and the dog next door has had his eye ripped out and a dog a few bars down has three legs. For the love of god how is the poor sod supposed to piss up lampposts with a leg missing!!!!!!
And at night it is worse, I did not sleep a wink the first few nights in Palolem because of the flamin racket the dogs were making on the beach.
To be honest on my first night the lovely lady in the next beach hut kept me awake all night. I don't know if the kind gentleman present was serving her a delicious meal because she kept asking for more more more and I was lying there thinking, bloody hell love your diet has gone well up the shoot on this holiday.
But apart from that it has been the dogs that have kept me awake every night. I can hear them barking and scrapping on the beach and then you hear the yelps of what ever poor bugger has been attacked and it is just canine carnage. It sounds like Battersea dogs home on acid.
After about 5 nights with no sleep I decided to go to the pharmacy in Chaudi to buy some ear plugs. I was asking the lovely old man for ear plugs but he had no idea what I was talking about. I was pointing to my ears saying 'I need to sleep help me I need to sleep' 'Oh yes madame yes madame i understand' and he handed me 2 strips of Valium and a box of diaxepan. Well blow me down, back in the day I would have had that delicious concoction straight up me left nostril before you could say Pete Doherty but there was no way I was coming to spiritual India and getting addicted to prescription drugs. I was here to detox and find God not in-tox and find Satan.
Eventually I found some ear plugs and I have had the most amazing sleep ever since. The dogs are the only down side for me. they chase me down the beach in the morning when I am doing my run and I am praying they wont bite me because rabies is rife in India and the last thing I need to be doing is foaming at the mouth it brings back to many memories of my clubbing days.
Anyway I am really happy and having a wonderful relaxing time. I eat organic food everyday, sit in the sun, run and do yoga. Every day is a blessing and I am so grateful. I am really pleased to be going to spend time in Agonda and I will be visiting the church every day.
I'm off to bed now so nite nite and don't let the rabid dogs bite!!!!
I am so so enjoying the solitude and I am so happy to be traveling alone.
When I went back packing around South East Asia in 2009 on my own I was dying to meet people. I remember arriving in Kho Pagnan Thailand. I was dying to party and have some fun so I put my back pack into my little beach hut and wandered off to the beach bar.
On route I walked past a guy in a hammock outside his hut so I asked him if he fancied a beer that I was off to the bar to get myself one and I would gladly fetch one for his fine self. He said yes. well that as they say was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
That was how I met Mike from California he is a great guy and we spent about a week hanging out together on Kho Pagnan. We would chill out outside his bungalow in the hammocks drinking beer and getting stoned happy days. Also there was Patrick from Germany and some other dude from Austria I think but I cant really recall his name. We had some great times and one night we all did a mushroom shake. I had never had mushrooms before so I was a bit worried in case I thought I was a bird and tried to fly off things but it was great, we had such a great evening. We all sat on the beach in deck chairs looking up at the stars off our tits and there was hundreds of falling stars or at least I think there was.
I was wearing a long skirt that was decorated in sequins and little mirrors and the boys kept asking me to dance around and around because they were tripping off the reflection of the stars shinning on the mirrors, so I obliged of course.
So yes in South east Asia I was dying for company and always up for a party but this trip really that has been the furthest thing from my mind.
I have not really mixed with any tourists, I haven't wanted to. When I sit and chill at night I sit with the Indian people I know. The waiters in the restaurants were I eat and the guys from my beach huts and of course little Sharhu from the beach shop.
The only person I spend anytime with apart form the locals is Britta. Britta is the lady I told you about in an earlier blog who has hair down to her waist and has a beautiful daughter with Afro curls and skin the colour of creamy coffee. Britta is super cool I really like her and Jamila is so cute. Britta is German and lives in Berlin, Jamila's daddy is from Tanzania in Africa he is Rastafarian, he is back in Berlin.
The three off us went off to Agonda the other day and we chill on the beach some days here in Palolem. Britta is right up my street she is a bit of a hippie chick and I love watching her with Jamila she is a wonderful mother and they really are great company. We laugh and play in the ocean and we have lunch together and share our food and Thursday nights are live music nights so we always sit around the fire on the beach singing along together.
Apart from them to be honest I have not really spoken to anyone . I know that might make me sound like a stuck up bitch but I don't want to sit around with people drinking beer and getting high because I know I will be tempted and I know once I start I will be back on that roller coaster and I wont be able to get off until it goes crashing at full speed into a wall and leaves me devastated, depressed and wrecked.
I have been in India for 3 weeks and sober now for almost a month and I feel great. The black clouds of depression have slowly lifted day after day and now each morning I see the beautiful sunrise and I feel peace in my heart.
On Saturday I am leaving Palolem and I am moving along the coast to Agonda. It is so peaceful and quiet there and pretty that I want to stay there for a few days before leaving Goa for Kerala. I love the little village and the little cafes and I am really drawn to the church there.
I will continue with my yoga as I have really got into it and I am getting stronger and more flexible everyday. I found a yoga teacher already in Agonda so I will start there as soon as I am settled.
I feel ready to leave Palolem now. I have loved it and it is a beautiful beach and I have some wonderful memories but 3 weeks is enough. That is another thing about being sober I remember everything. For years I have been walking around in a drunken haze, like I'm wearing somebody else s spectacles. I can never remember where I have been and what I have done after a night out drinking. Whole hours just disappear from my life. Maybe this is a survival mechanism because if I could remember I would have probably have thrown myself under the Victoria train to Brixton years ago.
So it has been great waking up everyday with a clear conscience and no regrets or shame to deal with and to be able to remember every second of every day, to be present in every moment of everyday.
The only negative things about my time in Palolem is the dogs.
There are hundreds of dogs in Goa and I would say about forty dogs maybe more live on the beach at Palolem. I love animals and especially dogs but these dogs are something else. I am sure they must originate from England because the daft twats sit around all day in the sun like the English people out in the mid day sun baking themselves to an oblivion.
They are the angriest dogs I have ever come across and it does not surprise me because as i said they are out in the hot sun all day. They are fighting each other every five minutes and pulling each other to bits.
I was trying to enjoy my organic muesli the other day and there was ears and tails flying everywhere. I saw a dog today with no tail were it had been ripped off and the dog next door has had his eye ripped out and a dog a few bars down has three legs. For the love of god how is the poor sod supposed to piss up lampposts with a leg missing!!!!!!
And at night it is worse, I did not sleep a wink the first few nights in Palolem because of the flamin racket the dogs were making on the beach.
To be honest on my first night the lovely lady in the next beach hut kept me awake all night. I don't know if the kind gentleman present was serving her a delicious meal because she kept asking for more more more and I was lying there thinking, bloody hell love your diet has gone well up the shoot on this holiday.
But apart from that it has been the dogs that have kept me awake every night. I can hear them barking and scrapping on the beach and then you hear the yelps of what ever poor bugger has been attacked and it is just canine carnage. It sounds like Battersea dogs home on acid.
After about 5 nights with no sleep I decided to go to the pharmacy in Chaudi to buy some ear plugs. I was asking the lovely old man for ear plugs but he had no idea what I was talking about. I was pointing to my ears saying 'I need to sleep help me I need to sleep' 'Oh yes madame yes madame i understand' and he handed me 2 strips of Valium and a box of diaxepan. Well blow me down, back in the day I would have had that delicious concoction straight up me left nostril before you could say Pete Doherty but there was no way I was coming to spiritual India and getting addicted to prescription drugs. I was here to detox and find God not in-tox and find Satan.
Eventually I found some ear plugs and I have had the most amazing sleep ever since. The dogs are the only down side for me. they chase me down the beach in the morning when I am doing my run and I am praying they wont bite me because rabies is rife in India and the last thing I need to be doing is foaming at the mouth it brings back to many memories of my clubbing days.
Anyway I am really happy and having a wonderful relaxing time. I eat organic food everyday, sit in the sun, run and do yoga. Every day is a blessing and I am so grateful. I am really pleased to be going to spend time in Agonda and I will be visiting the church every day.
I'm off to bed now so nite nite and don't let the rabid dogs bite!!!!
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