All Aboard the Love Train

So so much has happened since I wrote last that I don't know were to start.

I left the Sivananda Ashram, went back for a few days to the Bio Veda resort then I spent a week in Varkala were I indulged in a passionate love affair with a very gorgeous man from Nepal and he whisked me away to Tamil Nadu for a mucky weekend and then I cancelled my train to Mumbai and travelled with Mr Nepal to Delhi on a 52hr train. Unfortunately things went sour on route and in true Jacquelina style I terminated the love affair and we went our separate ways after 40 hours on the train. So arriving in Delhi alone with not a clue where to go or what to do I must confess to a few tears dripping down my cheeks to the dusty streets of New Delhi.

She is crazy i can hear you say and yes of course I'm crazy but you already knew that so why are you even surprised!!!!

My last few days at Sivananda were wonderful. I met some lovely ladies in the last few says, Caralinka from Poland and Pierret from Florida and Claude from the south of France and the most sweet Caroline from Paris. I will not go into Carolin's business but I will say that she is going through what I think is the hardest thing that anybody can go through in their life. But she is handling it with such grace. We were room mates for a few days and I have to say she will I hope, always be in my life. She is the sweetest soul, I care for her so much and my time at the ashram will always be special and mostly because of what we shared.

After leaving the ashram I returned to the Bio Veda resort in the Neyyar Hills. It was lovely going back. Sunhill the owner was there to meet me with a friendly kiss on the cheek and Calla the cook gave me a wonderful bear hug full of Motherly love. They are wonderful people and we shared some wonderful days. Calla invited me to her family home and fed me constantly and on my last night Sunhill treated us all to a fancy dinner in a fancy hotel which was lovely. Calla wore her best sari and smelt of sweet sandalwood.
Again saying goodbye to them I was sad for some reason they are in my heart and as I left, Sunhil mirrored my thoughts by saying how much he cared for me and he felt sure that we were family in another life that he felt I was his sister and he would always take care of me. He said where ever I was in India, if ever I was in trouble just to call him and he would help me. I will never forget his kindness and I am so grateful to God who always sends such angels to protect me on my journeys.

I was itching to get to the ocean and relax on a sun lounger so off I went to the beach resort of Varkala.
I jumped on the local train which was my first train journey in India so I was dead excited. I was sat in the same carriage as an Indian family of 13 people small babies and children right up to Grandparents. I watched them with interest and there was so much love in that family. The men were holding the babies and kissing them and loving them and  they were all laughing and joking as they shared their food and even offered some to me.

I had been given a telephone number of a man in Varkala who was the manager of a guest house that some friends I had met at the ashram had stayed and and recommended so I gave him a call from the train to book a room.  He was very sweet and helpful and he had a very nice voice and he told me to just jump in a rickshaw from the station and he would see me later at the guest house. Well tickle my tits till Friday, he was gorgeous. My friends had not advised me of such important details as I would have for sure washed my hair and put on my best hippy rags. Over the week that I was there I have to admit I indulged my wicked lustful senses and rolled around in the sheets in Varkala with the very very hansom and sexy man from Nepal. I know I said I was going to be celibate while in India but to be honest I just could not resist. Mr Nepal is so so hansom and we laugh so so much together and he is so much fun that I through caution to the wind along with my g-string and the rest as they say is history.
 Each day we would spend every moment together. He brought me to lovely restaurants and introduced me to all of his friends and we ate incredible food that I would never have tried. I have been single for so so long that to be honest it felt so nice to be surrounded with so much love that I was addicted. Don't get me wrong I am not stupid I know of course that he does not love me and I know he runs a business in a holiday resort were no doubt every week he has an affair with another tourist and has probably been around the block more times than the rag and bone man but I was happy knowing that, I knew there was no future for us but I just wanted to enjoy the present moment and every moment with him is wonderful. He is the kind of man that lives with an open heart. He is so affectionate and caring and loving and even if he doesn't really care or love me has a wonderful way of making you feel that he does. He always holds my hand and kisses my cheek and he does little things like pushes my curls out of my eyes and always pours my drinks and holds my hand across the road. I know I am a bit long in the tooth to be swept away by such romance but after always being alone it is just so wonderful to be with a man that is not trying to be cool that is happy to love with an open heart and I realise now that I do want to have a relationship. I thought I was happy to be alone and would continue that way but being with Mr Nepal has made me realise that love is what is missing from my life and now I have found love for myself I feel ready to love someone else. So lock up your sons!!!!!!

Mr Nepal was off to Tamil Nadu which is the very south of India, where the 3 oceans meet each other. The Indian ocean, the bay of Bengal and the Arabian Sea with some of his staff to treat them to a couple of days sight seeing and visiting a very special Hindu Temple at Kallikamari, he asked me to go with them so I thought why not. We had a wonderful couple of days, his staff are also from Nepal and are all shy and sweet and the temples were magnificent and again we laughed and had such a wonderful time.

Mr Nepal is very persuasive and convinced me to cancel my ticket to Mumbai and accompany him and his business partner and 2 staff to Delhi so I again I thought why not. They were going to be travelling back to Nepal but were going to visit Delhi, some temples there and Agra to see the Taj Mahal. I had no real need to go to Mumbai I was just going to spend a couple of days there and then head further north anyway so I thought it would be nice to have someone to travel with instead of being on the train alone and to be honest I really did not want to say goodbye to him yet. I'm not saying I have fallen in love with him because I have not. But I have fallen in love with the romance of it all and it feels good and anyway he leaves India for Nepal in a week or so so I  just wanted to have one more week of feeling so alive and so loved before I went back to the single, celibate life I had been living.

So we left Varkala and started our journey to New Delhi. It has always been a dream of mine to travel on a train in India so I was so so excited. The five of us piled into our carriage and got our selves comfy. Mr Nepal and his business partner had a bottle of whiskey so they sipped at that and we watched the beautiful fields of corn and wheat and coconut palms pass by our window. We played cards and told jokes and tried all sorts of food that was served through the windows at the stations we passed through. I loved the train journey and I slept well which I didn't think I would what with being surrounded by lots of men watching my every move and I was so glad that I was travelling in male company because I would have hated to be on that train at night alone. There of course are no showers on the train so you have to make do with a bit of a splash and dash in the smelly toilet that smelt so bad that I had to put tissue in my nose every time I went in there.
All was going well with me and Mr Nepal up onto the last night on the train. We had a little disagreement about something and me being stubborn made a little mole hill into a mountain. I am really hard on men and I know it is something I have to work on. I rarely believe a word that they say and I wouldn't trust them to the shop and back and I realise now that poor old Mr Nepal was a victim of all my past let downs break ups and hurts. I wouldn't speak to him all night and when he tried to touch me I pushed his hand away and told him to piss off, not very nice to do on a train filled with Indian men looking on, but he took it well he just went off and sat on his own looking sad while I sat brooding and telling myself I was right like a stupid egotistical bratt.
I didn't speak to him all the next day either. I know now I was wrong and I know I was stubborn and childish but I was so adamant at the time that I was right and I wouldn't back down so when we arrived in Delhi I just walked off in the opposite direction and what should have been a wonderful exciting time was lonely and scary and I only had myself to blame.

The boys tried to help me with my back pack and they told me to come with them but I was having none of it. Mr Nepal just ignored me and I don't blame him. If he would have come to me and apologised or explained then I would have forgiven him and left the train with him but he didn't, he was being just as childish and stubborn as I was and I was not going to back down so I just walked out of the station into the unknown.
 I had no Idea where I was going and people were pushing me this way and that and there were beggars everywhere sat on the ground some drunk some without limbs all looking up at me with sorrow and pain in their eyes and there I was in the middle of all of that, hot tired sad and again I questioned why this had happened why had I followed a man I hardly knew to place that I didn't know and where would this lead and what would happen.

 I had been in this situation before and I had always survived and I would this time also.
I dried my dusty tears on the back of my hand and pulled my bag up on my back and put one dirty foot in front of the other dirty foot and headed into the hurricane in a dustbin that is Delhi.






















































































































































Towards the end of my week in Varkala Mr Nepal convinced me to cancel my trip to Mumbai and accompany him and hios business partner and so