I was a little nervous about accompanying Deepa to her family home. Well we had only spoken for about an hour when we met 10 days previously at the Vipassana registration office and here I was in a back of a rickshaw with Deepa her father and Madhu her fathers disciple heading to her home in Dehradun.
To be honest I felt like I already knew them and even though Madhu and her father could speak very little English I felt really comfortable with them.
We rattled through the streets of Dehradun and then pulled up outside Deepa's home. It was a lovely neighbourhood, lovely big houses protected behind decorative iron gates with pretty gardens with lots of flowers sprawling out of hanging baskets.
As soon as we pulled up outside a young girl I assumed must be one of Deepa's daughters came rushing out of the house flinging their iron gate against the peach coloured stone wall and ran straight into the rickshaw jumping on her Mother showering her in wet kisses. It was wonderful to see it brought tears to my eyes, they hugged and hugged it was lovely. Then as bold as brass the little Indian girl with very short boyish short hair came strutting around the rusty rickshaw on skinny little legs and confidently pushed her hand straight out in front and said "Pleased to meet you" with a cheeky giggle showing a gap in her teeth, ha ha ha she was a delight. Deepa told me this was her youngest daughter Yashoo "The naughty one" she said. Yashoo didn't take her eyes off me, she studied my clothes my hair my shoes all the way into the house.
I was asked by Deepa to take a seat in the tidy front room that was pretty and cool after the heat of the rickshaw journey across town and so I sat nervously on the sofa. Deepa didn't sit down at all she went straight into the kitchen to fetch cold water for me, her father and Madhu. She tried to coax her other daughter Cushy to come in to meet me but she was definitively more shy. She popped her head around the frame of the door and said hello and then disappeared into the kitchen with her Mother.
I had no idea how all of this was going to work out. I could not imagine just kicking my flip flops off and putting my feet up on the sofa and showering there and getting into bed that night and to be honest all I really wanted was to be alone and sleep but I was so grateful that I had been invited to Deepa's home and it was so so generous so I tried not to worry about it, I was just going to try to enjoy each moment with them and see what happened at the end of the day if I felt really uncomfortable I could just leave.
Deepa's father sat down next to me and told me how happy he was that I was there with them and I could stay for as long as I liked. He would be returning to his home in Mathura the following day with Madhu so then it would be just me with Deepa and her family.
Deepa came into the room with hot tea and biscuits and I had to force the tea down it was so sickly sweet.
Indians love sugar, every cup of tea has at least 3 sugars and I have even seen a woman on a train preparing a baby's bottle and putting 4 teaspoons of sugar in to it.
Deepas Father fell to sleep on the sofa after tea and Deepa took me into the bedroom to meet her mother in law. Her mother in law had stayed with Deepas family while she was away at Vipassana. I again was a little nervous I didn't know what to say so I just put my hands together in the prayer position and said Namaste (hello).
She was the cutest little old lady with long grey hair in a long plait down her back with a light fuzz of white circling her pretty face. She patted the bed beside her so I sat down and she held my hand. It was of course quite overwhelming but she was adorable and I didn't feel at all uncomfortable. I just wished I could speak Hindi so I could have understood her. Deepa was translating back and forth so it was ok. Her Mother in law said how happy she was that I had come to their home and that she had never had a daughter and she felt God had brought me to her. I was so touched and she had tears in her old twinkly eyes and again I was shocked by the complete love I was shown my them all.
I went for some fresh air in the garden I was completely overwhelmed by the kindness and love of these people. Since the first moment I met Deepa 10 days ago at the Vipassana centre this family have given me love and welcomed me so willingly into their family and home it was incredible but I felt like crying all the time because it was so intense. To be honest it made me miss my family and it made me realise how much tension there is in my home. I know we all love each other but you can cut the tension with a knife every time we are all in the same house. It is really sad and I have thought about it a lot since I have been in India. It is almost like we are all walking on egg shells like we are all waiting for someone to explode and say something wrong and for a fight to break out and sadly it usually does.
Inside the house Madhu was asleep on the double bed next to the Mother in law and Deepa had put cushions on the floor next to the bed.
She asked me if I was tired and would I like to rest and I said I was shattered, Vipassana itself was exhausting both physically and emotionally but coming to this home and all of this love was also exhausting. I went to lye down on the floor but she would have none of it and she pushed me towards the double bed. I really did not want to get into the double bed with her Mother in law and Madhu the big strong woman with the iron thighs and both of them had turned inwards and were tapping the slither of mattress that was left between them.
Oh shite I thought I cant get in there, at that point I really wanted to run out of the house and check into the nearest guesthouse, lock the door and have complete solitude away from this intense family overflowing with love. I don't sleep well anyway and I hate sleeping with any one, well if Russell Brand fancies staying over I could make an allowance for him but an eighty year old woman I met an hour ago and a big butch bird who constantly slaps me each time she passes me, no way.
Anyway Deepa was having none of it she almost dragged me to the bed and pushed me head first in between the delighted duo. I didn't know which way to turn so I just lay flat on my back glaring up at the spinning fan wondering how the hell Jacquelina finds herself in situations as these.
That is the thing in India, there is no such thing as personal space. If you are stood in a que the people behind are pressed up against you and even closer if it is a man you can feel the shuttle cock in his pocket. everyone just rubs against you and touches you and nudges and pushes you. In England we would say ''excuse me" but in India you just get pushed out of the way.
Now if I'm honest back in the day I have had many a nice experience sandwiched between 2 woman but they were of course hot sexy woman in fishnet hold ups and I was snorted up to the hilt with a bottle of Hendricks gin in my gut, this definitively was new territory and made me realise my group sex days are well and truly over.
I was relieved when both Madhu and the Mother in law turned over and left me in peace and surprisingly I actually dozed off. I was woken by Madhu's big strong arm circling my body and pulling me into her, we were like 2 spoons in a cutlery draw. Ehh I was horrified, she was laughing and pulling me tightly towards her and I was dragging myself off closer in the direction of the Mother in law. I still have no idea if Madhu is a lesbian or if she just likes playing jokes on me but I didn't like it, she was not going to be getting any action under her sari off me that was for sure.
I was relieved when naughty Yashoo jumped on the bed and got me out of that very sticky situation that I was relieved to know was not going to be getting any stickier, she asked me to go outside and watch her on her bicycle, I was out of there like a rat up a drain pipe, Madhu tried to pull me back into bed beside her but she had more chance of being the next Dalia Lama, I was out of there like cold beer.
We all enjoyed the most delicious lunch. A real Indian home cooked meal is not to be sniffed at. Everything is cooked from scratch not that out of a packet cobblers that most western woman cook up.
I love watching people cook and in India it is a wonderful experience, seeing all the ingredients, the wonderful pungent spices turmeric, garamasala and cumin the freshness of the green herbs curry leaf and coriander and fresh mint. I wanted to help but I was shooed out to the lounge.
After the simple yogi food we were served at Vipassana it was a joy to taste garlic again and chili every mouthful was bursting with so many colorful intense flavours. Deepa had made fresh wholemeal Chapattis and they were hot from the pan and plastered in butter that was dripping out of them onto my fingers and down my arms, they were delicious.
I noticed that Deepa didn't sit down until we had almost finished she just fetched and carried for everyone, asking us if we wanted more Dahl or more rice or if she should cook more chapattis. I felt bad sat there on my big fat white ass while Deepa fetched and carried it made me feel that she was my servant and I was not comfortable with that.
Then we had dessert I had never seen it before it was plain rice with sugar mixed with it and some yogurt all stirred in together. It was so so sweet I thought my teeth would rot straight out of my head and fall in my metal tray but it was delicious. I cant stay here for too long I thought I will be the size of Dawn French pre the stomach staple.
I was nervous to meet Deepas husband I had no idea how he would react to some foreign stranger coming into his home but I needn't have worried he was lovely. He welcomed me and told me how happy he was that I would be stying with them and to make myself at home and to stay for as long as I liked.
It was lovely to spend some time with Deepas daughters, Cushy the eldest was shy and sweet and very lady like were as Yashoo was boisterous and loud and cheeky but I adored them both. It made me think of me and my sister. We have spent so much time arguing over the years that I think we have both forgotten the bond we once shared.
They wanted me to sit with them while they showed me all their family photos so I did. They asked me all about my family and England and I was amazed that their English was so good, so good in fact that Yashoo actually told her sister to shut up that she talked too bloody much ha ha .
The first night at Deepas felt a little strange. The Mother in law slept on a single bed in the hallway which I would have preferred to sleep on on my own without touchy feely Madhu accosting me in the night but Deepa would not let me because there was no fan out there and she thought I would be too hot but I didn't care I just wanted to be in a bed on my own but I realised there is no point trying to argue with Deepa and I didn't want to make a fuss, so I was pushed into bed again with Madhu.
Deepa and her husband slept in the front room with the girls but half way through the night I was awoken by Yashoo Deepas youngest squeezing in beside me and snuggling up with her little skinny arm around my Roland rat. Cheeky chappy I thought but how sweet and I was grateful for the human bolster to keep Madhu on her side of the bed.
Every morning at Deepas starts at 4am. At 3.50am I was abruptly awoken by Madhus big rough hand squeezing my thigh, inside thigh at that...meditation she growled meditation . I was in the routine of the 4am meditation class but could have done with a day off but it was out of the question of course. It was best I suppose to start as I meant to carry on and I certainty did not want to offend Deepa and her family by telling them to piss off and roll over and go back to sleep. So up we got, Deepa was up and her father and even the Mother in law. Everyone washed their faces and then we sat in meditation for nearly 2 hours. It was a surreal experience here I was with complete strangers really in a town in Northern India sat crossed legged on a bed next to an Indian woman in meditation while Deepa and her father meditated in the front room and the mother in law on the floor in the hall.
At 6am Deepa made every one tea and then we all went into the kitchen to kneel in front of the alter of Deity's of Lord Krishna, Ganesha and Hanumanta and their family's Guru for more worship. I was beginning to think I would have to go and get pissed or laid or do something terrible so all of this praying and worshipping would be worth while.
Candles and incense were lit and we chanted well I didn't, I didn't have a clue what they were saying but the atmosphere was wonderful so I just hummed along swaying from side to side with my hands in prayer. I knew how blessed I was to be there to be welcomed in to their home and their worship and the worship lamp was even handed to me during the ceremony so I could worship God also. I knew that was a great honour, it meant a great deal to me and I felt it meant I was excepted by them into their family so I held the lamp and watched the flickering flame as I circled each deity and tried my hardest not to drop the thing and set the bloody kitchen on fire.
I was sad to see Deepas father go, I realised that I loved him, which I know sounds strange, I have given up trying to intellectually understand things like this in India I have found that the only way you can understand them is with the heart and not the mind. I wished I spoke Hindi or he spoke more English because I would have loved to be his student and for him to be my Guru. I felt such a strong connection with him and I almost felt envious of Deepa that she had such a wonderful father a true role model and Guardian. My own father had only laughed at me when I tried to explain my desire to go to India to find my spiritual path, he just mocked me and told me to go down to Sparkhill in Birmingham that there were thousands of Indians there and I would save my self the plane fare. But he didn't understand, he didn't understand me at all and how would he he wasn't there for most of my life.
When Deepa's father left, and I have tears in my eyes writing this he put his lovely smooth walnut coloured hands on my face and kissed me on the forehead, "You are the dearest of my daughters" he whispered into my hair and I could of wept, I was speechless. Seconds later I was wiping the tears away and laughing watching Deepas husband rattle down the road on his scooter with my Papa and frisky Madhu on the back with her turquoise sari blowing in the wind. Madhu had invited me to her village but I had visions of being tied spread eagled to an old rickety bed with sari silks, butt naked so I declined and stepped behind the safety of my dear friend Deepa
I spent five days with Deepa and her family and I have never felt so loved and looked after in my life. After some protest Deepa allowed me in the kitchen and she was shocked that I could cook chapatti's and make Dahl, she had the impression that western woman didn't cook at all. One day Yashoo ripped her skirt on the wheel of her bicycle so I offered to sew it and Deepa looked on in amazement she couldn't believe that a white woman knew how to sew.
I fell head over heels in love with her daughters and they did not let me out of their sight for a second. Every afternoon nap I would be sandwiched in between them and at night one of them would always sneak into my bed and I would wake up to them lying beside me with my Roland Rat in their arms. I had so much fun with them, I helped them with their English study and we went for walks around the neighbourhood so Deepa could meditate and have a rest. They would spend hours combing my hair and doing my make up and every morning Cushy would press a pretty Bindhi between my eyebrows. She is nine years old but so wise and wonderful. She told me that she wanted to be like me when she grew up that she didn't want a husband and cook and clean all day. She wanted to be a doctor and she said she would support herself and travel the world independently. Quite something to hear from a nine year old.
I told Deepa that I wanted to do something nice for the girls before I left so we all went along to the local fun fair. It was supposed to be my treat but Deepas husband would not let me pay for anything no matter how hard I tried so I treated both girls to a long gypsy skirt that were being sold on one of the stalls. They were so excited and fussed and giggled over the many different skirts choosing the right colour and fit. They loved them and would not take them off for days. The whole family went together even the Mother in law who could hardly walk so she just linked her arm in mine and I felt so happy walking around with her. I was the only white person there and I think I was more of an attraction than the actual fair ground, everyone stared at me but I didn't mind I was used to it and I was with my family and I was so so happy.
It was wonderful living with them, the food was incredible but I now realise why there are so many big asses in Saris in India these people like to eat and they like to eat a lot. For every meal Deepa would cook rice and chapatti and every chapatti was dripping in butter. Sugar was added to everything and as soon as one meal had been eaten Deepa was preparing the next. Her whole daily life revolved around food. I noticed on the wall in her kitchen some kind of food rota. I asked her about it and noticed it said Deepa's Food Schedule, then the days of the week were listed down the left hand side and breakfast lunch and dinner across the top and then the name of a meal had been allocated for each day and time. Deepa looked at me and burst out laughing and I started laughing too we were holding our sides laughing falling around the kitchen, through tears she told me that her husband had given her a food schedule of what he wanted at what time of the day, on which day of the week. I could not believe it and obviously she thought it was hilarious too. I could not believe how different our worlds were. Every second of her life was filled with service to her family and when she wasn't serving them she was sat in meditation and prayer. I had had such a different life I had always been so free, I did what I wanted, earned my own money, bought what I wanted ate what I wanted, wore what I wanted and yet we were so alike in so many ways, we shared the same opinions about things and I knew she understood me more than my own sister ever would.
I'm not saying I would swap my real sister because I wouldn't I love her very much but I felt like I had gained another sister, an Indian sister.
It was incredible to have a real insight into real Indian life and especially in to the life of an Indian woman. It would not be fair for me to discuss all the things I saw and witnessed at Deepas home and all the things we talked about but what I will say is she never stops serving her family from morning to night. Every second of the day is filled with her serving. She is cooking all day, cleaning, making the girls study, ironing and then cooking again. We lay on her bed one day with her daughters while they were studying and she looked at me and said "This is my life Jac, this is it" I knew she was un happy sometimes and I could understand why I would have gone crazy shut away from the outside world in a house were I just served people all day. Deepa told me she wanted to do some thing drastic with her life she wanted to get out of this life that she had found herself in. She was fortunate in that her husband was happy for her to have a job if she wanted to work and so that is what she is aiming to do. I really hope she does but 10 years being hidden away in the house would take away a lot of self confidence and it would take a lot of strength to be brave enough to step outside in to the world again. I encouraged her to try, to look for something nearby and I think she will. She is so smart and wise and wonderful and I really want her to be happy, she so deserves to be happy.
The day I left Deepa gave me the most beautiful sari as a gift. I have never worn a sari before but Deepa helped me to put it on and when I looked in the mirror I felt like a princess I had never seen a more beautiful dress in my life.
I was gutted saying good bye to Deepa and her family. I hugged them all before I left and when I looked down at little Yashoo's cheeky face her chin began to wobble and I knew she was about to cry and I could not bare it. I jumped on the back of her husbands scooter trying to balance my big back pack between us and I waved goodbye to my new Indian family. I cried huge tear drops into my silk scarf as I waved at the three of them stood at the gate, Deepa, Cushy and little Yashoo and they waved crying back at me.
I have promised to return to them and I will this year in October, but whatever happens I know I will have contact with them for the rest of my life, I know they are part of me and I am of them forever.
I found in Deepa a wonderful soul and a sister. She was a complete surprise to me and I know we were destined to meet. I know we have a deep love for each other even though we are so different, from completely different cultures.
I know we are bonded for life.
To be honest I felt like I already knew them and even though Madhu and her father could speak very little English I felt really comfortable with them.
We rattled through the streets of Dehradun and then pulled up outside Deepa's home. It was a lovely neighbourhood, lovely big houses protected behind decorative iron gates with pretty gardens with lots of flowers sprawling out of hanging baskets.
As soon as we pulled up outside a young girl I assumed must be one of Deepa's daughters came rushing out of the house flinging their iron gate against the peach coloured stone wall and ran straight into the rickshaw jumping on her Mother showering her in wet kisses. It was wonderful to see it brought tears to my eyes, they hugged and hugged it was lovely. Then as bold as brass the little Indian girl with very short boyish short hair came strutting around the rusty rickshaw on skinny little legs and confidently pushed her hand straight out in front and said "Pleased to meet you" with a cheeky giggle showing a gap in her teeth, ha ha ha she was a delight. Deepa told me this was her youngest daughter Yashoo "The naughty one" she said. Yashoo didn't take her eyes off me, she studied my clothes my hair my shoes all the way into the house.
I was asked by Deepa to take a seat in the tidy front room that was pretty and cool after the heat of the rickshaw journey across town and so I sat nervously on the sofa. Deepa didn't sit down at all she went straight into the kitchen to fetch cold water for me, her father and Madhu. She tried to coax her other daughter Cushy to come in to meet me but she was definitively more shy. She popped her head around the frame of the door and said hello and then disappeared into the kitchen with her Mother.
I had no idea how all of this was going to work out. I could not imagine just kicking my flip flops off and putting my feet up on the sofa and showering there and getting into bed that night and to be honest all I really wanted was to be alone and sleep but I was so grateful that I had been invited to Deepa's home and it was so so generous so I tried not to worry about it, I was just going to try to enjoy each moment with them and see what happened at the end of the day if I felt really uncomfortable I could just leave.
Deepa's father sat down next to me and told me how happy he was that I was there with them and I could stay for as long as I liked. He would be returning to his home in Mathura the following day with Madhu so then it would be just me with Deepa and her family.
Deepa came into the room with hot tea and biscuits and I had to force the tea down it was so sickly sweet.
Indians love sugar, every cup of tea has at least 3 sugars and I have even seen a woman on a train preparing a baby's bottle and putting 4 teaspoons of sugar in to it.
Deepas Father fell to sleep on the sofa after tea and Deepa took me into the bedroom to meet her mother in law. Her mother in law had stayed with Deepas family while she was away at Vipassana. I again was a little nervous I didn't know what to say so I just put my hands together in the prayer position and said Namaste (hello).
She was the cutest little old lady with long grey hair in a long plait down her back with a light fuzz of white circling her pretty face. She patted the bed beside her so I sat down and she held my hand. It was of course quite overwhelming but she was adorable and I didn't feel at all uncomfortable. I just wished I could speak Hindi so I could have understood her. Deepa was translating back and forth so it was ok. Her Mother in law said how happy she was that I had come to their home and that she had never had a daughter and she felt God had brought me to her. I was so touched and she had tears in her old twinkly eyes and again I was shocked by the complete love I was shown my them all.
I went for some fresh air in the garden I was completely overwhelmed by the kindness and love of these people. Since the first moment I met Deepa 10 days ago at the Vipassana centre this family have given me love and welcomed me so willingly into their family and home it was incredible but I felt like crying all the time because it was so intense. To be honest it made me miss my family and it made me realise how much tension there is in my home. I know we all love each other but you can cut the tension with a knife every time we are all in the same house. It is really sad and I have thought about it a lot since I have been in India. It is almost like we are all walking on egg shells like we are all waiting for someone to explode and say something wrong and for a fight to break out and sadly it usually does.
Inside the house Madhu was asleep on the double bed next to the Mother in law and Deepa had put cushions on the floor next to the bed.
She asked me if I was tired and would I like to rest and I said I was shattered, Vipassana itself was exhausting both physically and emotionally but coming to this home and all of this love was also exhausting. I went to lye down on the floor but she would have none of it and she pushed me towards the double bed. I really did not want to get into the double bed with her Mother in law and Madhu the big strong woman with the iron thighs and both of them had turned inwards and were tapping the slither of mattress that was left between them.
Oh shite I thought I cant get in there, at that point I really wanted to run out of the house and check into the nearest guesthouse, lock the door and have complete solitude away from this intense family overflowing with love. I don't sleep well anyway and I hate sleeping with any one, well if Russell Brand fancies staying over I could make an allowance for him but an eighty year old woman I met an hour ago and a big butch bird who constantly slaps me each time she passes me, no way.
Anyway Deepa was having none of it she almost dragged me to the bed and pushed me head first in between the delighted duo. I didn't know which way to turn so I just lay flat on my back glaring up at the spinning fan wondering how the hell Jacquelina finds herself in situations as these.
That is the thing in India, there is no such thing as personal space. If you are stood in a que the people behind are pressed up against you and even closer if it is a man you can feel the shuttle cock in his pocket. everyone just rubs against you and touches you and nudges and pushes you. In England we would say ''excuse me" but in India you just get pushed out of the way.
Now if I'm honest back in the day I have had many a nice experience sandwiched between 2 woman but they were of course hot sexy woman in fishnet hold ups and I was snorted up to the hilt with a bottle of Hendricks gin in my gut, this definitively was new territory and made me realise my group sex days are well and truly over.
I was relieved when both Madhu and the Mother in law turned over and left me in peace and surprisingly I actually dozed off. I was woken by Madhu's big strong arm circling my body and pulling me into her, we were like 2 spoons in a cutlery draw. Ehh I was horrified, she was laughing and pulling me tightly towards her and I was dragging myself off closer in the direction of the Mother in law. I still have no idea if Madhu is a lesbian or if she just likes playing jokes on me but I didn't like it, she was not going to be getting any action under her sari off me that was for sure.
I was relieved when naughty Yashoo jumped on the bed and got me out of that very sticky situation that I was relieved to know was not going to be getting any stickier, she asked me to go outside and watch her on her bicycle, I was out of there like a rat up a drain pipe, Madhu tried to pull me back into bed beside her but she had more chance of being the next Dalia Lama, I was out of there like cold beer.
We all enjoyed the most delicious lunch. A real Indian home cooked meal is not to be sniffed at. Everything is cooked from scratch not that out of a packet cobblers that most western woman cook up.
I love watching people cook and in India it is a wonderful experience, seeing all the ingredients, the wonderful pungent spices turmeric, garamasala and cumin the freshness of the green herbs curry leaf and coriander and fresh mint. I wanted to help but I was shooed out to the lounge.
After the simple yogi food we were served at Vipassana it was a joy to taste garlic again and chili every mouthful was bursting with so many colorful intense flavours. Deepa had made fresh wholemeal Chapattis and they were hot from the pan and plastered in butter that was dripping out of them onto my fingers and down my arms, they were delicious.
I noticed that Deepa didn't sit down until we had almost finished she just fetched and carried for everyone, asking us if we wanted more Dahl or more rice or if she should cook more chapattis. I felt bad sat there on my big fat white ass while Deepa fetched and carried it made me feel that she was my servant and I was not comfortable with that.
Then we had dessert I had never seen it before it was plain rice with sugar mixed with it and some yogurt all stirred in together. It was so so sweet I thought my teeth would rot straight out of my head and fall in my metal tray but it was delicious. I cant stay here for too long I thought I will be the size of Dawn French pre the stomach staple.
I was nervous to meet Deepas husband I had no idea how he would react to some foreign stranger coming into his home but I needn't have worried he was lovely. He welcomed me and told me how happy he was that I would be stying with them and to make myself at home and to stay for as long as I liked.
It was lovely to spend some time with Deepas daughters, Cushy the eldest was shy and sweet and very lady like were as Yashoo was boisterous and loud and cheeky but I adored them both. It made me think of me and my sister. We have spent so much time arguing over the years that I think we have both forgotten the bond we once shared.
They wanted me to sit with them while they showed me all their family photos so I did. They asked me all about my family and England and I was amazed that their English was so good, so good in fact that Yashoo actually told her sister to shut up that she talked too bloody much ha ha .
The first night at Deepas felt a little strange. The Mother in law slept on a single bed in the hallway which I would have preferred to sleep on on my own without touchy feely Madhu accosting me in the night but Deepa would not let me because there was no fan out there and she thought I would be too hot but I didn't care I just wanted to be in a bed on my own but I realised there is no point trying to argue with Deepa and I didn't want to make a fuss, so I was pushed into bed again with Madhu.
Deepa and her husband slept in the front room with the girls but half way through the night I was awoken by Yashoo Deepas youngest squeezing in beside me and snuggling up with her little skinny arm around my Roland rat. Cheeky chappy I thought but how sweet and I was grateful for the human bolster to keep Madhu on her side of the bed.
Every morning at Deepas starts at 4am. At 3.50am I was abruptly awoken by Madhus big rough hand squeezing my thigh, inside thigh at that...meditation she growled meditation . I was in the routine of the 4am meditation class but could have done with a day off but it was out of the question of course. It was best I suppose to start as I meant to carry on and I certainty did not want to offend Deepa and her family by telling them to piss off and roll over and go back to sleep. So up we got, Deepa was up and her father and even the Mother in law. Everyone washed their faces and then we sat in meditation for nearly 2 hours. It was a surreal experience here I was with complete strangers really in a town in Northern India sat crossed legged on a bed next to an Indian woman in meditation while Deepa and her father meditated in the front room and the mother in law on the floor in the hall.
At 6am Deepa made every one tea and then we all went into the kitchen to kneel in front of the alter of Deity's of Lord Krishna, Ganesha and Hanumanta and their family's Guru for more worship. I was beginning to think I would have to go and get pissed or laid or do something terrible so all of this praying and worshipping would be worth while.
Candles and incense were lit and we chanted well I didn't, I didn't have a clue what they were saying but the atmosphere was wonderful so I just hummed along swaying from side to side with my hands in prayer. I knew how blessed I was to be there to be welcomed in to their home and their worship and the worship lamp was even handed to me during the ceremony so I could worship God also. I knew that was a great honour, it meant a great deal to me and I felt it meant I was excepted by them into their family so I held the lamp and watched the flickering flame as I circled each deity and tried my hardest not to drop the thing and set the bloody kitchen on fire.
I was sad to see Deepas father go, I realised that I loved him, which I know sounds strange, I have given up trying to intellectually understand things like this in India I have found that the only way you can understand them is with the heart and not the mind. I wished I spoke Hindi or he spoke more English because I would have loved to be his student and for him to be my Guru. I felt such a strong connection with him and I almost felt envious of Deepa that she had such a wonderful father a true role model and Guardian. My own father had only laughed at me when I tried to explain my desire to go to India to find my spiritual path, he just mocked me and told me to go down to Sparkhill in Birmingham that there were thousands of Indians there and I would save my self the plane fare. But he didn't understand, he didn't understand me at all and how would he he wasn't there for most of my life.
When Deepa's father left, and I have tears in my eyes writing this he put his lovely smooth walnut coloured hands on my face and kissed me on the forehead, "You are the dearest of my daughters" he whispered into my hair and I could of wept, I was speechless. Seconds later I was wiping the tears away and laughing watching Deepas husband rattle down the road on his scooter with my Papa and frisky Madhu on the back with her turquoise sari blowing in the wind. Madhu had invited me to her village but I had visions of being tied spread eagled to an old rickety bed with sari silks, butt naked so I declined and stepped behind the safety of my dear friend Deepa
I spent five days with Deepa and her family and I have never felt so loved and looked after in my life. After some protest Deepa allowed me in the kitchen and she was shocked that I could cook chapatti's and make Dahl, she had the impression that western woman didn't cook at all. One day Yashoo ripped her skirt on the wheel of her bicycle so I offered to sew it and Deepa looked on in amazement she couldn't believe that a white woman knew how to sew.
I fell head over heels in love with her daughters and they did not let me out of their sight for a second. Every afternoon nap I would be sandwiched in between them and at night one of them would always sneak into my bed and I would wake up to them lying beside me with my Roland Rat in their arms. I had so much fun with them, I helped them with their English study and we went for walks around the neighbourhood so Deepa could meditate and have a rest. They would spend hours combing my hair and doing my make up and every morning Cushy would press a pretty Bindhi between my eyebrows. She is nine years old but so wise and wonderful. She told me that she wanted to be like me when she grew up that she didn't want a husband and cook and clean all day. She wanted to be a doctor and she said she would support herself and travel the world independently. Quite something to hear from a nine year old.
I told Deepa that I wanted to do something nice for the girls before I left so we all went along to the local fun fair. It was supposed to be my treat but Deepas husband would not let me pay for anything no matter how hard I tried so I treated both girls to a long gypsy skirt that were being sold on one of the stalls. They were so excited and fussed and giggled over the many different skirts choosing the right colour and fit. They loved them and would not take them off for days. The whole family went together even the Mother in law who could hardly walk so she just linked her arm in mine and I felt so happy walking around with her. I was the only white person there and I think I was more of an attraction than the actual fair ground, everyone stared at me but I didn't mind I was used to it and I was with my family and I was so so happy.
It was wonderful living with them, the food was incredible but I now realise why there are so many big asses in Saris in India these people like to eat and they like to eat a lot. For every meal Deepa would cook rice and chapatti and every chapatti was dripping in butter. Sugar was added to everything and as soon as one meal had been eaten Deepa was preparing the next. Her whole daily life revolved around food. I noticed on the wall in her kitchen some kind of food rota. I asked her about it and noticed it said Deepa's Food Schedule, then the days of the week were listed down the left hand side and breakfast lunch and dinner across the top and then the name of a meal had been allocated for each day and time. Deepa looked at me and burst out laughing and I started laughing too we were holding our sides laughing falling around the kitchen, through tears she told me that her husband had given her a food schedule of what he wanted at what time of the day, on which day of the week. I could not believe it and obviously she thought it was hilarious too. I could not believe how different our worlds were. Every second of her life was filled with service to her family and when she wasn't serving them she was sat in meditation and prayer. I had had such a different life I had always been so free, I did what I wanted, earned my own money, bought what I wanted ate what I wanted, wore what I wanted and yet we were so alike in so many ways, we shared the same opinions about things and I knew she understood me more than my own sister ever would.
I'm not saying I would swap my real sister because I wouldn't I love her very much but I felt like I had gained another sister, an Indian sister.
It was incredible to have a real insight into real Indian life and especially in to the life of an Indian woman. It would not be fair for me to discuss all the things I saw and witnessed at Deepas home and all the things we talked about but what I will say is she never stops serving her family from morning to night. Every second of the day is filled with her serving. She is cooking all day, cleaning, making the girls study, ironing and then cooking again. We lay on her bed one day with her daughters while they were studying and she looked at me and said "This is my life Jac, this is it" I knew she was un happy sometimes and I could understand why I would have gone crazy shut away from the outside world in a house were I just served people all day. Deepa told me she wanted to do some thing drastic with her life she wanted to get out of this life that she had found herself in. She was fortunate in that her husband was happy for her to have a job if she wanted to work and so that is what she is aiming to do. I really hope she does but 10 years being hidden away in the house would take away a lot of self confidence and it would take a lot of strength to be brave enough to step outside in to the world again. I encouraged her to try, to look for something nearby and I think she will. She is so smart and wise and wonderful and I really want her to be happy, she so deserves to be happy.
The day I left Deepa gave me the most beautiful sari as a gift. I have never worn a sari before but Deepa helped me to put it on and when I looked in the mirror I felt like a princess I had never seen a more beautiful dress in my life.
I was gutted saying good bye to Deepa and her family. I hugged them all before I left and when I looked down at little Yashoo's cheeky face her chin began to wobble and I knew she was about to cry and I could not bare it. I jumped on the back of her husbands scooter trying to balance my big back pack between us and I waved goodbye to my new Indian family. I cried huge tear drops into my silk scarf as I waved at the three of them stood at the gate, Deepa, Cushy and little Yashoo and they waved crying back at me.
I have promised to return to them and I will this year in October, but whatever happens I know I will have contact with them for the rest of my life, I know they are part of me and I am of them forever.
I found in Deepa a wonderful soul and a sister. She was a complete surprise to me and I know we were destined to meet. I know we have a deep love for each other even though we are so different, from completely different cultures.
I know we are bonded for life.
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